This was a hilarious thread thanks to the participation of Fastfalcon, one of the most naively devout proselytizers I have ever encountered. He spun a happy story of a Jesus who cried as He let him into heaven, and then a Cautionary Tale of a Jesus who cried as He condemned a hypothetically non-christian Fastfalcon to hell. Man, the bible said that Jesus wept, but it doesn’t say He did so all the time. Then again, Fastfalcon was known for his ability to shoot his own religion in the foot, as he did with his claim that : God loves all children, even the ones in the hospital dying. Later on he claimed that A murderer who ends up in heaven won't get many rewards, ya know? Probably not a mansion, but a small house.
So you want me to be an Atheist?
“Basically, I’m highly trained at the fine art of killing people and subverting the law,” said the True Christian who started this thread. Aptly named Machine, he claimed that the only thing preventing him from robbing banks was his faith, and wound up his spiel with, “You should all be thankful that I’m a Christian.” He struck me as someone who watched Kill Bill and lapped up the bloodthirst without absorbing any of the cool, and most people responded to assure him that they were fine with his remaining a christian. TollHouse’s reply was the best.
Basically, all you've said is that your a bigger, scarier asshole than I am, and you're the one with religion. Yippie for you!
OneGod, a Muslim, tried to make his religion more palatable by explaining that when the Hadith permitted a man to strike his wife, what the Hadith actually meant was that the man could strike her with “a small natural toothbrush”. Presumably the wife would be thoroughly cowed at this masterful display of dental discipline, and the man could always spank her with his washcloth if further chastisement was necessary.
But that’s Islam for you. It always has hygiene in mind.