Putting the Fun back in Fundamentalism : Evangelical Entertainment, Part III
Hello everyone, and welcome to the last in a three-part series on how wholly the holy enjoy themselves! I’m your host, QueenofSwords, and this week’s subject seems to believe that if the cinema will not go to christianity, christianity must be shoved into the cinema, by any means necessary. Pop yourself some (children of the) corn and enjoy the show, because this week’s Nutwatch turns the spotlight on the
This website features a long list of movies, all rated according to a set of rigid and hypermoral standards. These are unfortunately never applied to the bible, perhaps because their sex-o-meter would explode were it to come into contact with the Old Testament. Despite their reviews, CAP states that
This is NOT a movie review service. It is a movie analysis service to parents and grandparents to tell them the truth about
Superman, who is actually mild-mannered Clark Kent, reporter for the Daily Planet.
movies using the Truth.
But not the whole Truth, just the verses that make God look good. Both of them. And another thing that parents and grandparents need to know is the proper discipline of children; a small free service of the ChildCare Action Project is a treatise on whether it is moral to
Now CAP doesn’t particularly want to be held responsible for people breaking their children’s bones in godly discipline. On the other hand, the bible does mandate some form of beating, so there’s a happy medium somewhere (Madame Cleo?) and CAP finds it in an Orwellian bit of doublethink.
God performed many smitings and some were not violent, for example, smiting with blindness.
It was a gentle, tender sort of smiting, similar to His smiting with impotency.
That certainly would be a severe tap from His rod of correction, but it is non-violent.
I’m curious; if an armed gang was about to put pins in the author’s eyes, would he consider this “non-violent”?
Likewise, beat may translate into non-violent expressions of corrective or disciplinary techniques.
So the next time you have to beat a rug or a carpet, you should scold it until it cleans itself. Perhaps the enlightened christians should publish a lexicon translating these confusing biblical terms like “beat” and “kill”, so we know exactly what was meant by them. I’d certainly like to know where in the bible God condemns self-pleasure, since one of the things television supposedly teaches children is
Have fun in bed, by yourself or with your favorite friend.
Television must have become more religious lately. I expected it to say, “Have fun in bed, by yourself or with your favorite friends.” But seriously, it’s only on Seinfeld that you win a contest for not enjoying yourself, unless the fundies hand out prizes to the most frustrated and sexless person in an award ceremony. “And the Onan goes to…”
Abandonment of kids and throwing newborn babies in trash bins seem to be popular nowadays.
As opposed to simply slaughtering the children, which seemed to be popular in Old Testament times.
Stranding the child in the woods, although not legal, is yet another choice some parents have made.
You should make sure your child isn’t dropping a trail of breadcrumbs to find his way home. If this is the case, pay a witch to construct a candy house and lure the munchkin there instead.
Leaving the child(ren) with the local child welfare office is another means available for parents to abandon their kid(s). Whether left in a garbage bin or the woods, the abandoned small child or infant will die from starvation or exposure.
We threw God out of the schools, so he couldn’t save our kids from school shootings. Now it seems he’s been thrown out of the woods and the garbage cans as well. Poor God, he can’t even boldly go where only raccoons have gone before.
Although death by abortion is not starvation in the truest sense, it might as well be since the baby is deprived of life!
Although death by abortion is not an exploding supernova in the truest sense, it might as well be, since either one would deprive the baby of life! If only we were all as dedicated to doormatry as the ChildCare Action Project would have us be, there would be no need to worry about the children, since we would be free from the curse of
While addiction to drugs or alcohol demands some servitude and sacrifice from the victim,
How is “servitude and sacrifice from the victim” any different from fundamentalism?
I believe there is a more basic or rudimentary type of addiction which can be more commanding and draining: the additction to satisfying the "Self."
But he was just so adorable in the Lord of the Rings movies, with those pointy ears and long blond hair… oh wait, you said self. My mistake.
All other sensory-level addictions seem subordinate to the desire to satisfy the Self.
Thog use big words like “sensory-level” to make people think Thog smart.
As I see it, self-possession is the strong fixation on self-actualization, self-fulfillment,
Poor Maslow, he must be spinning in his grave.
self-gratification, self-this, self-that -- each is egocentric (self-centered), placing the Self at the center of the individual's universe.
What about self-discipline, or self-control? My guess is, even those imply that the self has something to do with one’s life, mind or future. Therefore, they’re just as evil.
Selfness is a sweet treat to the innately sinful nature of man: selfness is a "candy" for the Self.
Continuing the metaphor, True Christians have all become “diabetics”. Go and do thou likewise.
It seems selfness candy is plentiful in the New World Order (NWO) movement and humanistic beliefs.
Selfness candy, now with Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge flavor! Take it with you into math class, then you can tell the fundies that you’ve been fruitful and multiplied.
It is no wonder why some youth grow up believing they must take care of "it" themselves:
In the ideal world of the ChildCare Action Project, we would all lie immobile in sensory deprivation chambers, hands shackled, while God lovingly spooned prechewed food into our mouths and wiped away the results thereof. Even The Handmaid’s Tale would be a better prospect.
that only what they want when they want it in the way they want it is good enough; that they may and indeed should question all authority with impunity!
The correct response to a teenager questioning authority should be a volley of high-velocity stones, accompanied by the catchy slogan, “Question this!”
Therein lies my connection of selfness, or egocentrism, with demon possession.
So Satan was possessed by a demon when he originally decided to defy God. That’s one powerful uberdemon you got there; wonder where it went afterwards. <gives the webpage’s author a long, careful look>
That the lust to satisfy one's Self is, in a way, a demon when allowed to overcome or to prevent the host from placing God above all.
“It seems”, “in a way”, “might as well be” – no ridiculous assertion should be without one or more of these fine modifiers, giving that much cover to your ass should anyone snipe at such an easy target.
He is to be the only God: the only Master we serve.
Here’s another “self” concept for you, Master : self-service. Try it some time.
Demons have a maniacal goal to destroy God's sovereignty over our hearts and minds.
God has a maniacal goal to destroy demons’ sovereignty over our hearts and minds. Or wait, would that be our own sovereignty, considering that it seems we might as well be demons in a way?
And the best way to destroy God's sovereignty… is to feed and nourish our innate selfness and make us feel as though we don't need God…
I kneed God once. He obeyed the restraining order after that.
To feel selfish about something, one must feel a sense of ownership or desire for ownership: the MINE! MINE! syndrome. With a sense of ownership comes a measure of possessiveness. Thus, selfishness tends to lead to possessiveness. When one has possession of something, s/he might tend to feel "I have it. What are you gonna do about it?"
All right, author, just tell me what the other kids wouldn’t share with you – peanut butter sandwiches, Crayolas, Batman comics – and I’ll send you some. Then hopefully you won’t feel this irrational dislike of people who own anything. I mean, come on, if this was the McCarthy era you’d be in deep shit by now.
Thus, possessiveness leads to arrogance.
You can lead a fundamentalist to reason, but you can’t make him think.
When one develops arrogance about possession of something, s/he might tend to feel insulated from invasion.
OK, the author’s just free-associating here, not to mention adding the double qualifier “might tend” to an already impressive list of smokescreen terms.
Thus, arrogance arrogance tends to lead to independence.
Maybe a certain historical document should be retitled “The Declaration of Arrogance Arrogance”.
When someone feels independent of invasion, a sense of control and power might manifest. With power usually comes desire for more of whatever 'it' is. Thus, independence in turn leads back to selfishness.
So God’s possessing the world makes him an arrogant, megalomaniac jerk. Glad we got that straightened out.
I am not practicing psychology, psychiatry, or any other mental health science.
Of course not; you’re practising a mental disease pseudoscience, and the sicker we are, the better you’ll like us.
I am passing on to you a possible way to view human obsession: a way that does not pass on the blame to a bad childhood, abusive parents, or to some exaggerated trauma. I do not wish to offend or belittle anyone by this presentation,
“I wish to make them feel far more worthless and miserable than I do. Have I succeeded?”
nor am I saying that anyone is a demon.
Oh, of course not. You could never be so direct, though whether this shows a lack of courage or a suggestion from your lawyer is a matter of debate.
I merely wish to offer a different way of looking at accountability.
And this way would be… ? Own nothing, think nothing and do nothing except worship god all day (and watch your children at night, lest they have fun in bed). Remember, your children are pure and innocent and should never know about sex, death and maybe even taxes, as spelled out in the gloomy article
While you are trying on a new pair of shoes, your unescorted child may be watching a heterosexual couple doing "it" -- graphically.
Can Cinderella get back to the theater before the climax? She may turn into a pumpkin if she doesn’t, but that’s better than being such sour grapes.
While you sip your soda at the Five-n-Dime grill, your unescorted child may be witnessing a hollywood style knife murder… listening to the victim scream with fear and helplessness Joey has never heard before
Little Joey led a sheltered and protected life until he accidentally saw The Ten Commandments, and I’m not talking about the Alabama monument either.
watching blood spill onto the floor
Considering that CAP lauds a religion based on foreskins, blood and death, this squeamishness is two-faced, to say the least.
….watching while Joey's values and morals are being corrupted...watching while his innocence and childhood are being torn from him...
…watching while he resolves to grow up into Movieman, the costumed superhero who protects other kiddies from such a terrible fate. Remember, Joey, with great power comes great resp… no, no, this is CAP, great selfishness.
watching while he eats the fruit of the Tree of Life!
What’s so terrible about the Tree of Life, unless selfness candy comes in that flavor as well?
And WE are giving him the apple!!!
Better than making him a nut, of which there are enough in the world already. Still, to protect the joeys and kangaroos of the world, CAP meticulously notes any instance of violence, sex, drug use, swearing, magic, evolution and so on in a movie. There’s also a reference to “Laura Croft”, presumbly from a show called “Little Tomb on the Prairie”. But let’s get started on the movie reviews; I picked one science fiction, one fantasy and one film that was just plain fun to watch; here’s the first in the terrible triumvirate,
"Gifted" as they may be, but I would not expect such gifts to be from God [Job 2:10].
God would have given string ties to the boys and pink hair ribbons to the girls.
From where the "gifts" came is a moot point anyway since such powers do not exist.
It’s all camera tricks and special effects! Oh, and demons. Satan’s in the stuntpeople.
The school is a learning institute to help mankind be more tolerant and accepting…. there lies the onus for a very cleverly ambiguous suggestion of support to the alternate lifestyle movement without any mention of the alternate at all.
Talk about grasping for straws (but unwilling to even name them as such). Still, it’s queer that the scriptwriters fagot about heterosexual relationships such as Rogue’s and Gaymbit’s.
Key to the manifestation of the powers of the mutants was their puberty, as if we would expect anything else of modern entertainment. It couldn't be electric shock, a head injury, or birth on another planet like a regular super heroes…
Isn’t “regular super hero” an oxymoron? Do the authors of this page go to the supermarket looking for “regular super absorbant” as well?
Storm (Halle Berry) was able to control the transcendental elements (weather). Even Satan does not have that power (ref: sermon by Dr. Kenny Copeland).
I’m not sure what this non sequitur is supposed to mean. Does Storm make Satan feel inadequate, and has he complained to Dr. Kenny Copeland about this?
The bad guys included Mystique... she was the one with the sprayed-on outfit which covered some of her femininity, but not all -- not even most.
As you can tell, the ChildCare Action Project viewers looked long and hard to determine whether some, all or most of Mystique’s femininity was suitable for public viewing.
To wrap up the bad guys was giant Sabretooth (Tyler Mane) who possessed the strength and facial traits of a lion… And where is it we hear of a human with the mouth of a lion?
The Weekly Nutwatch? Seriously, though, this is a familiar theme throughout the CAP reviews : most fun or fantasy is inspired by darkness, sprung from Satan’s seed, and that’s never more obvious than in their review of
And what better time to embrace evil in entertainment than now when we have kicked God out of schools, government and many, many homes and what used to be the family… all benevolent on the surface and all since we kicked God out of our schools.
This constant reference to kicking makes me think of God as a football, bouncing away over the sidewalk. And tell me something – who would want to worship a kickable god?
Harry was the only one Voldemort did not kill. Now there's a good topic for our kids to ponder while waiting for sleep to come at night -- kill, kill, kill.
Isn’t that better than our kids having fun in bed by themselves while waiting for sleep to come at night? Not to mention that most Christians teach their kids that Jesus was the only one Herod did not kill. There’s another good topic for them to ponder – kill, kill, kill.
By the way, Harry converses with a snake in this movie. Not a cow, not a dog, not a cat,
What would a cat have said to him, anyway? Maybe, “Harry, feed me”. Or “Harry, stop wasting my time and scratch me behind the ears while telling me how gorgeous I am.”
but a snake. And the Alchemist who made the Sorcerer's Stone 665 years old.
Gosh, you mean to say the Bible’s wrong? The number of the beast is actually 665? But at least Harry Potter didn’t promote drug-taking, something which is reserved for one of my favorite fillms,
Chocolat is the age-old war between what hedonists say is good for you and obedience to God's Will. And, yes, Chocolat is figuratively a war between Hollywood and the CAP ministry.
Don’t forget gay people – oops, I meant “practitioners of an alternative lifestyle”. And Chocolat clearly supports the abortion industry, because Vianne would have had lots more children otherwise.
The lead character and hedonist, Vianne (Juliette Binoche) is presented as bright, intelligent, tolerant and enlightened.
Much like Jesus, now that I come to think about it. Which is all wrong, because we know Jesus was never a hedonist – he must have hated it when that woman was rubbing his feet with perfume (John 12:3).
Chocolat is also an exercise in interfering with the established way of life of a people in favor of a newcomer's beliefs and ethics [sound familiar?].
Very familiar. I believe Jesus does a lot of that in the New Testament.
She would, just as does the drug dealer, give you a free sample just to get you to try it. And like the drug dealer with his/her enlightening substance, we never see Vianne or her delightful daughter, Anouk (Victoire Thivisol) sample her concoctions.
I never saw Jesus eat his own body either. Hmm. You know, speaking of Jesus, he had something to say about taking the plank out of your own eye, though with this website, one might have to hire a crane.
One of Vianne's first concoctions was to improve the sexual performance… of a malcontent husband. And we were shown how well it worked, at a distance but we were shown nonetheless. And so were the kids in the audience shown how well it worked.
Up until that point, the kids had lived in a pure and untainted world where married people never slept in the same room or even touched each other except in holy (and asexual) discipline, mano a womano.
And, of course, when the logic of the script called for statements such as "I'm his mother and I know what is best for him" from one of the town mothers, such God-given responsibility was belittled and made to appear as closed minded and abusive.
News flash, Sherlock : it was closed-minded, though I’ll admit that this is one example of your theory that when people have something, such as a responsibility, they tend to become selfish, possessive, arrogant blue meanies.
There is MUCH more ignominy in this artsy film, far too much to even summarize.
Oh, but you were doing so well. I was just waiting to hear of how Chocolat subtly expressed support for integrated schools and the Third Reich. It never seems to occur to the ChildCare Action Project that the bible they adore has more instances of murder, rape, mutilation and cruelty than any of the films they despise. As such their reviews are blind at best and hypocritical at worst, though their commentaries far outdo them in sheer loathing of pretty much everything that makes life worth living. I’d pity any kids that were in this project’s care, though the results might be much like the film Stepford Children.
And that wraps up the series. Till next week, everyone!
QueenofSwords