Putting the Fun back in Fundamentalism : Evangelical Entertainment, Part II
Hello everyone, and welcome back to the second in a three-part series on the extra-churchicular activities of True Christians! I’m your host, QueenofSwords, and this week’s subject, much like Jesus himself, takes a figurative whip of cords to the defilers of a sacred place – that place being the christian recording studio. Even if your agent isn’t Lew Siffer, chances are you’re wrong or even hellbound regarding the music you enjoy; let’s try a rousing rendition of “When The Saints Go Over There”, because this week’s Nutwatch rings the bells of Terry Watkins’ website
In case you have even a tiny sliver of doubt regarding which of those choices to pick, the answer is spelled out in the interminable article
When someone truly gets saved, God puts a NEW song in their mouth.
In other words, they’ve sold themselves for a song. If only they had waited until they met me, they might have gotten a nice bridge out of the deal as well.
And that song is "PRAISE unto our God" — the result of salvation is — PRAISE. And it's not something we work up, or "fake", or just do — but it's something God "puts"!
So let me get this straight – God makes people applaud him? Is he so much in need of attention that he has to settle for this kind of tribute? Can’t he be satisfied with whatever compliments people give him out of their own volition, without writing the script for them?
Christian music is "praise unto our God". Do you think God is a liar?
Let’s just say that if he was Pinnochio, his nose would be longer than Orion’s Belt by now.
Sadly, much of what goes by the name CHRISTian Music today is NOT CHRISTian. It does NOT testify, praise or sing about the Lord Jesus Christ.
Thus relegating Him to an obscurity He hasn’t enjoyed since the carefree days of the Old Testament.
Much of today's Christian Music goes out it's way to avoid the name of Jesus Christ… Out of 25 Starflyer 59 songs, over 1400 words, 4 albums – I could not find the word "God, the word "Lord".
Maybe you should have played the songs backwards. Or wait, have you checked for a bible code?
I found "Jesus" ONE time in "2nd Space Song" – with this ridiculous line "counts the sands Jesus in your hands". Who, that believes that Jesus Christ is God Almighty, the Lord of Lords, thinks they've got "Jesus in their hands"!
Well, Jesus is supposed to be in you, is he not? And aren’t your hands part of you? Unless there are certain body parts Jesus avoids on principle?
According to the Lord Jesus Christ – Satan’s goal is to uplift man. According to the Lord Jesus Christ – Satan glorifies and uplifts man!
I’m confused – who’s the bad guy here again?
CHRISTIAN MUSIC SHOULD PRAISE THE LORD JESUS CHRIST — NOT MAN
If this article was a speech being made to a congregation, their eardrums would begin to bleed at this point. Unfortunately, it’s not the only capslocked mantra bellowed by the author.
“We should praise God with both word and music, namely by proclaiming [the Word of God] through music. . .He who believes earnestly cannot be quiet about it.."
Don’t we all know that. Still, there’s hope yet for he who believes earnestly, since people minding their own businesses in public buildings and on their own websites may be more than happy to teach him how to contain his exuberance.
Most CCM concerts GLORIFY and PRAISE the performer.
News flash, Einstein : most concerts of any kind give some recognition to the performer. Know why? Because the performers work their butts off to become good at what they do – something I’m not sure can be said about your god.
Author Josh McDowell says about CCM performer Steve Camp: "The body of Christ is enriched because we have his heart and his music. My oldest daughter thinks he hung the moon."
Do you know who hung the moon? The Lord Jesus Christ hung the moon!
Do you know what the moon is made of? Cheese, and the Lord Jesus Christ has a nibble every now and then! How else do you think it got all those craters? Not from so-called Christian music, that’s for sure!
Steve Camp is in the place of the Lord Jesus Christ!
Steve Camp : It is a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done.
Nestled inside the press kit, enfolded by all those smiling photos, are the words--the P.R.--and the PRAISE [DTTM; Praise of Sandi Patty - NOT the Lord Jesus Christ
Sandi Patty sounds like something I would have made on the beach when I was three years old and pretending to cook.
- according to Matthew 16:23 – this is Satan – read Matthew 16:23 if you do not believe it!]
Matthew 16:23 : “But He turned and said to Peter, “Get thee behind me, Satan!” Peter… Satan… Satan Peter… Satan Patty… yes, it’s all starting to make sense now. Praise the lord and pass the reefer.
is effusive. [DTTM: effusive means: pouring freely, excessively, gushy, that is the PRAISE of Sandi Patty]
Why, thank you for the clarification, Mr. Webster. If you hadn’t spelled this out for me, I might have thought it was PRAISE of her sister, Mutton Patty.
The singer has created "a distinguished work of art." Her voice is "distinctive," her songs "eloquent and articulate," the CD "masterfully crafted" and "breathtakingly performed."
If only Sandi Patty had put out a shoddy, incompetent CD with songs like the braying of an asthmatic mule. Then the author would have felt free to compliment her on… well, on something, maybe her dental hygiene.
She's a "preeminent talent," who is "critically acclaimed" and "highly successful" –"stirring" with "remarkable musical diversity" and an "expansive vocal range." She is the recipient of five Grammy Awards, nine Grammy nominations, 35 Dove Awards ("more than any other artist”)… Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera."
AND GOD SAYS THAT IS ABOMINATION
Oh, God says pretty much everything is abomination. He’s like a befuddled war veteran who sees Nazis around every corner.
Christian music is NOT for the world – it is for the Lord! If it is FRIENDLY to the world then according to the Word of God it is AGAINST the Lord!
By these standards, Jesus, who chummed up with prostitutes and tax collectors, was AGAINST the Lord! You know you’re a fundamentalist when even Jesus fails to live up to your moral code.
When I got saved, I loved rock 'n' roll... I did not have a dream or goal besides rock music.
And now you don’t have a dream or goal besides religion. I think I prefer the rock music fixation.
And when I got saved July, 30, 1975, at 20 years old, I had NO intention to stop listening and playing rock music. But something changed. . .
My shirt. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that other people seemed to wear different clothes from day to day, and sometimes even at night!
I didn't change intentionally — but within six months, the ONLY music I wanted to listen to and play was real Christian Music.
I wonder if this poor guy applies such a yardstick to everything else he does. “Within six months, the ONLY car I wanted to drive was a real Christian Chevrolet.”
If someone does NOT have a NEW SONG chances are they're not even saved!
The # 1 way to spot a human in sheep’s clothing.
All things are become NE especially your music!
Thanks for letting me know your direction. I’ll be sure to stay in the south-west.
Christian music should give ALL the attention and praise to the Lord — and NONE to the music, or the musician, or the singer. The Lord should get ALL the praise, ALL the glory, and ALL the honor.
So let me get this straight – people do ALL the work, and the Lord gets ALL the credit – excuse me, the praise, glory and honor. I wonder what happens if the singer gets up there and lays an egg.
Spiritually speaking, the Christian musician should be heard but not seen — the Christian musician should be hide in Christ.
Why even bother to have a Christian musician, then? Just let Christ come down and do it himself, then you don’t have to worry about hiding someone in him (sounds like a drug courier stuffing away a bag of cocaine).
Christian music is from the heart, not just the voice.
Christian music goes DUB-dub, DUB-dub, DUB-dub. Other music goes any crazy way.
I can't remember the times I've watched a Christian musician, flaunt, pomp, articulate, get every note and vibrato perfect — and yet God was nowhere around. And yet, I've seen several times, when the singer may not hit the right notes — and yet God was all over them — and it showed!
I’m getting the impression that God is to a good performance what Norplant is to pregnancy.
Even CCM artist, Michael Card, admits that much of CCM — is NOT Christian: "There is an essential part of the gospel that’s not ever going to sell. The gospel is good news, but it is also bad news: 'You are a sinner, and you are hopeless.'”
Well done, Michael! You have grasped the essential fact that extensive spin-doctoring is required to convert any self-respecting adult. Please report tomorrow morning to begin your duties. Salary is paid in one large installment after your death.
Did you know this CCM-man-worship is ABOMINATION to the Lord? Did you know, "for that which is HIGHLY ESTEEMED among men is ABOMINATION in the sight of God"?
So if men highly esteem the bible, it must be an abomination in the sight of God. This isn’t just shooting yourself in the foot, this is dropping a grenade into your groin.
CCM artists justify their avoidance of "Jesus" and Christian lyrics by claiming they're using Christian music as a tool for reaching the lost.
Just like anglers using rods as tools for reaching the fish. When will they realize that those tools are too good to be wasted on fish? Catch the stinky fish with poison or dynamite instead, and save those elegantly crafted tools for finer pray. I mean prey.
But Christian music was NEVER meant for the lost world. The Bible is very clear – Christian music is "sung unto the Lord" – not the world!
And when the Lord starts paying as much as the world does, I’m sure more people will sing unto him. Until then, he needs a refresher course on the way the market works.
Christian music should feed the spirit — NOT THE FLESH. A Christian has "crucified the FLESH".
I feel like starting an Autophobics Anonymous program just for these poor people who seem to loathe their own bodies.
"For the FLESH lusteth against the SPIRIT, and the SPIRIT against the FLESH: and these are contrary the one to the other:. . ." Galatians 5: 16
“For the simple man believeth every word…” Proverbs 14: 15.
And Rock music (which is what CCM is) is FLESH. There is no doubt — rock music is FLESH.
“FLESH” sounds like an acronym for something. Fundies Love Emphasizing Self-Hatred, maybe?
It’s CARNAL.
Craziness And Religion, Never Apart for Long.
That’s why the world "loves" rock music. Rock music, any rock music – is FLESH! You can label it "Christian", but that doesn’t change it’s nature – it’s still FLESH. You can label strychnine "candy", but that doesn’t make it candy – it’s still POISON.
What a terrible thing to say about such a lovely brand of perfume. What did Christian Dior ever do to you?
WHAT IS DIFFERENT ABOUT ROCK MUSIC?
It sells better than variations on “Amazing Grace”?
In other music, the melody is the main component, but in rock – the rhythm or th beat literally takes over the music. And it is that BEAT that the FLESH loves!
Heck, if you’re the child of fundamentalists, your flesh had better love a beating, because you’re going to get lots of them.
Rock music emphasizes that HARD, driving BEAT. What instrument is it that pounds out that heavy beat?
Roy Moore’s head, hitting the wall between church and state.
…the DRUM is NEVER mentioned in a King James Bible. Did the Lord just forget to include the DRUM or is there another reason? Is it because — drums are associated with voodoo, shamanism, paganism and magic rituals?
And therefore the Lord decided to warn us about this dangerous, corrupt instrument by saying… precisely nothing. How very kind of him. If he had applied the same standards to hell, the bible would be half its length.
In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, millions of African people were taken as slaves to the U.S. to work on plantations in the South. They brought many of their own traditions with them but were forbidden to play their DRUMS.
Because the drums were a method of communication. Don’t imagine that the plantation owners were as fixated on religion as you are. And which traditions were they allowed to keep, anyway?
Long hair is also worn by shamans and demonism…
Evolutionism is sneaky and wears short hair like zoology or physics.
No honest person can deny that God intends for a man to have short hair and a woman long hair.
This explains why a man’s hair automatically stops growing once he has a Khristian Krew Kut.
Asking silly questions like, "How long is long?", just shows your rebellion to the Word of God.
Hair Story : Rebellion means never having to answer questions. Way to cover your ass there, Terry.
My answer to the "classic", "How long is long?" is simple — if you've got to ask — it's too long!
Unless you’re a woman, in which case – if you’ve got to ask – it’s too short! Just take it for granted that your coiffure will never meet with Terry’s/God’s approval (one and the same), and let’s move on from there.
When I got saved, I had long hair. At that time, my long hair was very important. I mean, very important! I don't believe I would have cut my hair for $1000!
Well, maybe you just have a gargantuan trust fund. Me, I’d shave you bald for $10.
But after a few months of reading my Bible, fellowshipping with the Lord and other Christians — I went to the barber shop and got a haircut!
“The barber took one look at the 666 on my scalp and ran screaming.”
It wasn't easy!
“There was far more hair than the barber expected. He spent two hours on my palm alone.”
But I remember coming home and looking in the mirror. I felt wonderful! I felt clean! I can honestly say, that cutting my long hair was one of the greatest victories of my Christian life!
If making the transition from Rapunzel to the prince was the greatest challenge in your life, then you’re still sitting in the tower, singing your little heart out.
God clearly intends for a man to look like a man and a woman to look like a woman.
With his multiple cataracts, he has a hard time recognizing people otherwise.
And as we've seen (and any sane person knows) the hair length is a distinguishing characteristic of the male and female gender.
Some day, the author will learn about breasts. Until then, he has to rely on hair length alone, and several instances of propositioning long-haired men have clearly taken a toll.
A man who has womanish looks (such as a man with long hair) or characteristics is called effeminate. In 1 Cor. 6:9-10, the Lord has some very stern warning against "effeminate"!
But He doesn’t seem to mind masculine-looking women. Perhaps it’s only a sin if one of the superior gender lowers himself to a feminine level, thereby becoming a shaman, or at least a drummer. And no matter what kind of music he plays, he’s unlikely to satisfy God’s very own Quality Control; if he performs poorly, he’ll go broke, and if he performs well, any compliments paid to him will be further evidence that he is FLESH, and lots of it. But that’s True Christian music for you; Terry Watkins is admirably suited for heaven, considering his incessant harping on the subject.
Till next week, everyone!
QueenofSwords