Hello everyone, and welcome to the Weekly Nutwatch! I’m your host, QueenofSwords, and while I’ve seen disconnections from reality before, this week’s subject makes them into an art form – that is, if soap operas can be considered art. From the vacuum cleaner theory of abortion to betrayed husband Lucifer, it’s Mary-Kate and Jesus in Melrose Place, because this week’s Nutwatch takes a paper shredder to
There’s a flower-child wannabe-cool mentality about this website, albeit one which suits their vague style with its frequent streams of (un)consciousness. If this is God’s Page, he must have been sniffing something other than burnt offerings when he supervised its construction.
We are all here on this earth together.
Right away you get the impression that God’s Page won’t take any chances on your missing out on valuable information.
Known, unknown, that doesn't matter! God's Page is all about you!
My friends, the simple natives have observed our advanced condition and mistaken us for gods. I suggest that we gently but firmly dissuade them from this folly. Remember the Cortes incident; taking advantage of such people is strictly prohibited.
You are the one that's important. We all have things in our lives and choices that we need to make everyday...
I think a conversation with Koko the gorilla would be more enlightening.
You say we don't know you? How do you know where we came from? I know that we have more in common than you can ever realize. A history, a past, a present and a future.
Look, Epsilon, just because they added alcohol to your cloning vat doesn’t mean the same thing was done to mine.
It's time to begin life, to begin living. We want you to know a life that we have come to know.
Once the parasite has taken hold, the unfortunate host is often compelled to seek out uninfected subjects in order to disseminate its disease.
This life is one of peace, freedom, love, passion, compassion and acceptance.
Each of these is represented by the appropriate cuddly Care Bear, available for only $19.99/bear.
This life is with God the Creator. Don't shut down on me here. If you're thinking about doing that, then I need to ask "what are you afraid of?”
Hypodermic needles and large flying cockroaches. But oddly enough, I enjoy public speaking.
”Why is this little note here and this web page a threat? I know why. Do you?"
It’s a threat to every motorist on the road, if you read too much of it and then try to drive a car. Of course, so many things are threats to our spiritual health – more than you might ever have guessed – and God’s Page spells them out lovingly in the article
Simple things as a child's toy [Satan] takes possession of. I'm going to give you a brief listing of some of the things that are used in the Spritual Realm against us!
Quija Boards
Quija : quick ouija, for people who want fast results in the prediction department.
Tarot Cards
Especially this one :
Sceances
Scatan uses these to scnare and sceduce even the scaved into the sclimy sculphorous pits of hell.
Luck Things
Also Pot Luck Things, including Ladles and Dish Covers.
Higher Powers (not God)
God must not be much use in the “Spritual Realm”, much like his value in reality.
Devil Made Me Do It
No, don’t try to blame your webpage on him. This is your responsibility entirely.
Dungeons & Dragons
& Daisies & Dinosaurs & Dessert. Next week on Sesame Street, we’ll have fun with the letter E.
Porno Films and Porno Magazines
Don’t forget the Porno Chapter of the bible, the Song of Songs. One look at that and you’ll never again be able to eat grapes, apples, raisins or corn without being unbearably aroused, also devil-possessed.
Is there anything else right here that you can sense? How about this web page? It sure looks like the powers of darkness and fires of hell to me!
It looks like orange text on a black background to me. If this is the best hell can do, my going there could only be an improvement on the ambiance.
So why am I putting a webpage on this background? To give you an example of what I am talking about.
An example which leaves me in no doubt that most of the authors of God’s Page are in their own little worlds, which float above real life like helium balloons straining to break free. And their grasping attempts to connect with other people only seem stranger when they try to address more serious issues such as
Abortion!!! I have had such a burden about this. My tears flow because abortion is easy.
I’ll leave this bit of melodrama as it stands.
Are you aware that at the moment of conception life has begun? Life of an innocent baby. A life that could only have been created by our Creator.
God : Sperm, meet egg. You remember my mentioning egg to you, don’t you? Egg, this is sperm. Sperm’s really been looking forward to meeting you.
No, He doesn't condone sexual sin (not married, etc), yet He is the only one capable of this marvelous creation of humanity.
Then why does he reward sexual sin (not married, etc – what does the etc. stand for here? IVF?) with this marvelous creation of humanity? Shouldn’t he give the marvelous creation of humanity to married people better able to appreciate all the marvelousness? The author isn’t doing God any favors here, since no one would need to have an abortion if he wasn’t so careless with his distribution of the marvels.
You will have to face Him on judgement day… What else will you have to face? Ok, let's bring this to the physical world. Will this be suction? Everytime you vaccuum your carpet, you may be reminded about this sound.
And let’s not get started on computer programming. You know that word that comes before “retry” and “fail”?
What your eyes can see if you look, possibly red matter going around in a vaccuum.
But, author, this would only be if you took your eyes out and inserted them back the wrong way, so you were looking into your own head. And I would have a doctor check out that red matter if I were you. An attempt to think may have caused internal bleeding.
The cramping that you have every month with your period, can remind you of the cramping during your abortion.
Who says you have to have cramping every month? Just take naproxen or aspirin. This will no doubt disappoint whoever who wanted you to obsess about your abortion, but hey, you can’t please everyone.
How will you feel when you see an infant in it's mother's arms?
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I always go “aww, how adowable” and then, as the munchkin bursts out screaming or produces a terrific stench, “I’m glad I’m not that woman.”
Sorry, I don't know how to speak of this in a kinder way. I pray everyday for the babies. Born and unborn!
What about the unconceived? Aren’t they babies too? How the author can blithely ignore the needs of innocent little unconceived babies everywhere is incomprehensible.
Please know that the baby that you are carrying is alive and it's body is growing and functioning. This is a real, miniature, little person.
With hairy feet, and it loves good meals followed by a bit of tobacco. Or is it a Mini-Me? So many little people, it’s easy to get them mixed up. But no matter who they are, you should always be careful when buying pyjamas for them, as I learned in the article
You have to appreciate the title, which seems to be aimed at maximum incongruity.
In the children's department at one of the popular chain stores, the pj area to be exact, I found "God"zilla,
And I accepted Japanese monster B-flicks as my lord and savior.
some pictures that showed attacks person to person, creatures etc. I saw skulls and blood.
In horror and disgust I stumbled out of the anatomy floor of the museum and I never went back. We don’t really have those terrible, ugly things inside us, do we? We’re supposed to be temples of the Holy Spirit!
There were scales (from snakes, lizards, etc)
Just in case we thought these were the scales of justice, for kiddies who wanted to be lawyers when they grew up.
adorning pj legs… Why would anyone want to send a child to bed with blood dripping out of a mouth?
Would this be the pure saving precious blood of Jesus, or just ordinary blood with little to no redemptive value? If it’s the former, don’t you think any child would benefit from the maximum exposure to Jesus’s holy haemoglobin?
Let me ask you something. If you were to hold those pj's up and say "God, I really want to buy these for little Johnny", what kind of response do you think you would get?
God would say, “Hmm. What Would Jesus Do?”
Would He say "this is of me, so yes buy them"? I think not.
I’m in complete agreement with that last sentence.
The living God isn’t really into malls, but his son is still young enough to delve wholeheartedly into the mall rat subculture.
Take Jesus to the mall. He was put on this earth for you and for me. He wants to be invited.
This explains why Jesus is such a no-show in the Old Testament. No mall, no reason for him to visit Earth. All the same, he’s missing out on a great deal of sturm und drang by his lateness on the scene, and nothing spells this out more clearly than the article
Don’t miss the sequels : My Drive Home With The Devil, My Invitation To The Devil To Come Up For Coffee, My Wild Night With The Devil and the stunning conclusion, The Devil Said He Would Call The Next Day, But He Never Did!
I call him Lucifer. Most think of him as Satan, the devil, the demon, etc. To me, the name Lucifer seems more personal. Did I have a personal relationship with him? Yes I did. I was told that I was conceived for him.
What a horrible lie. You were clearly conceived as a dastardly scientific experiment to breed a human who would believe anything.
…If I were to give you a description of Lucifer as I have seen him, I would tell you to imagine a handsome dude, muscular and sexy. That's the picture I'd would paint. Such a smile, add a dimple and those eyes... He can sway anyone off their feet. Those eyes...
Lucifer, Lucifer, wherefore art thou Lucifer? And why do you come off as a cross between a GQ model and a beholder?
Beautiful women, handsome men, he wanted the beauty around him... (Could that maybe be why in our lives the focus is on beautiful people? Hmmm, think about it!) People, doctors and lawyers, your next door neighbor, somebody's grandmother. Never! Never say never. These are some of the people who are in cults.
If the author’s dancing is anything like her style of writing, I’ll bet Lucifer limped off the floor with a twisted knee, his head reeling from her abrupt changes in direction.
I belonged to a cult. I participated in ceremonies. I chanted and praised and worshipped Lucifer. I danced the dance. I lived the life. I married Lucifer. Yes, married him.
“We got a set of towels for the wedding. Yes, towels. And they weren’t cheap either. No way! They were from… Victoria’s Secret. Black and red. Yes, black for him. Red for me. Towels.”
I let Lucifer become part of me and I felt I became part of him.
Well, here’s one wife who can accurately call herself “the better half”.
There was no question to right and wrong, because there was no right and wrong. What was - was! What is - is! There are no morals in Satanism. None. Things were not seen as a choice! Things were never questioned.
This must be why the author decided to be a Christian. She didn’t have to change her behavior at all.
…the dance wasn't supposed to be over until I would stand up and make full declaration to Lucifer as I would plunge a dagger into my chest. I was to be my final sacrifice to him, my master, my husband. I was to be my own final sacrifice.
Someone ought to have told this poor naïve girl that marriage is not all romance and roses. People often end up making a lot of sacrifices and I’m sure Lucifer gave up things he liked for her as well. She should really try to think in terms of us instead of I, I, I all the time.
I didn't finish my dance. You see, I had a new partner step in.
This sounds suspiciously like adultery, something which even the bible strictly forbids.
Lucifer had no choice but to step back and let my new partner lead me back onto the dance floor. My new partner? Jesus Christ, Son of the living God. He with some wonderful friends have brought me to the place I am today.
Great Scott, people, it gets worse. Not only did she break her marriage vows, she seems to have done it with a veritable motorcycle gang.
You see, that handsome dude I was telling you about, he's a master of disguise and deception. He's really a beast. I have seen him on his knees!
We should all be so lucky concerning our husbands at night.
I DO see the demons. I can smell them, taste them and touch them.
The only question is whether you get paid for doing so.
If you or someone you know of is having demonic problems please, don't turn away from them. Don't criticize and preach.
Demons need touching just as much as the rest of us. Please, think of the demons.
Find someone who can help. I have 2 wonderful friends who are taking this journey with me. They hold my hands, let me cry, scream, berate myself, etc. They are the human flesh of God.
When one delusion fails you, try another; this one seems to be marginally worse with the crying, screaming and self-beration, but at least we aren’t treated to a starry-eyed rhapsody on what a sexy muscular dude Jesus is. Let’s be grateful for small mercies.
Those eyes? Avoid them, don't search for them, don't seek them out. His eyes will try to penetrate your soul. Wear the full armor of Jesus Christ!
Considering the mental state of the author, the full armor should include a jacket with very long sleeves. Then again, she’s hardly alone in the asylum, since the line between church and state comes under weak sputtering fire as well, with the article
Just imagine if everyperson stood at 9am on Sunday morning and said the "Our Father" together imagine the power in the words "deliver us from evil" WOW!!!
This makes me a picture a hard-of-hearing God, who only realizes that something’s wrong when the crowd’s collective yell becomes loud enough. Wow, indeed.
If kids started carrying bibles instead of knives. If telephone time became prayer time. If everyone would carry God with them everyday. Can you imagine what could happen to this world?
I don’t need to, because Margaret Atwood did it already. Then again, I’m not sure I’d want to compare the grim prison of the Republic of Gilead to this over-the-rainbow lemon drop land where even demonic possession gets a Harlequin Romance treatment. With Jesus in the mall, Lucifer in the bedroom and innocent unborn babies in the vacuum cleaner, God’s Page seems to be located in the cartoon section. And it could only make the other comics seem better by comparison.
Till next week, everyone!
QueenofSwords