Hi everyone, and welcome to the only column that provides you with chopped, crushed and powdered nuts each Sunday! I’m your host, QueenofSwords, and this edition of the Weekly Nutwatch is dedicated to Bialar Crais, who very kindly undertook to provide an archive for previous weeks’ nutwatches. Appropriately enough, the Nut of the week also maintains an archive, though in this case it’s a compendium of crackpottery, comprising every lunatic theory you’ve ever heard about popular culture – and quite a few you haven’t, because this week’s Nutwatch takes on
Captain’s Logos : Stardate 92902.
The Logos Resource Pages are a fount of information on topics as varied as the Beatles, Pocahontas and Halloween; most articles are provided by the “ministry of Logos Communication Consortium, Inc.” and written by Pastor David L. Brown, Ph.D, for a specific purpose.
It is our intention that you may find the information collected here to be useful in seeing through the deceitful practices of this world by shedding on them the light of Jesus Christ.
Right away you know you’re in for a treat, and that’s confirmed when you see the bulging-at-the-seams subarchive on the occult. Pokemon, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings are all, as you would expect, pagan in origin, which means the Prince of Darkness penned them with the blood of virgins. But the most pages are devoted to that phenomenon of hideous evil known as
The following occurred to D & D players as an apparent result of the game. In November a 12 year old boy shot his brother.
The brother failed his saving roll, so the DM tore up his character sheet.
In January a 14 year old boy walked into school and killed a teacher.
With his Magic Sword (+3 to damage vs. undead).
Psychiatrist Laurance Johnson cautions, "If I had a child who tended toward schizophrenia, I'd never let him near D & D. There's a danger that it would reinforce feelings of grandiosity, of omnipotence. Reality and fantasy are hard enough for schizophrenics to differentiate."
So they shouldn’t be reading the bible either. Of course, the good pastor doesn’t make this connection, which is a recurrent theme of the site, right down to the twisted sexual practices in fantasy role-playing games. Rape is fine if it occurs in the bible and is perpetrated by the Israelites against their enemies, but if it is even mentioned in D & D, it’s the focus of the article
This must be when the sorceress does it with the cleric and the paladin simultaneously.
"... These evil creatures will certainly expect to loot, pillage, and rape freely at every chance, and kill (and probably eat) captives" (Players Handbood, p. 31).
They don’t change their underwear either.
The game may be just a game. However, it has become much more to many people… Many - many cases are on public record of involvement in D & D leading to violence - murder - suicide.
Also pizza – nachos – and coke.
We become what we think. If we dwell on murder, rape, demonology, sadism, prostitution, witchcraft, etc. we absorb that knowledge and the thin line between fantasy and reality is removed and may leave no way out but death.
After you die (no specifics given as to how), God casts resurrection, if you’ve been good, or reanimates you as a lich, if you haven’t. Hey, the pastor has nothing against role-playing per se.
Neither fantasy or fantasy role-playing is wrong in and of itself. When carried out with in the context of the Christian world view, it can serve as a useful and creative activity.
I wonder how a typical role-playing session goes when it’s carried out within the context of the Christian world view (good to know there’s only one of these).
The ultimate cause and effect of all this evil role-playing is to promote the spread of Satanism in the world, and the pastor helpfully provides a list of symptoms that parents can consult to know if their children have signed their souls away to Lucifer. Some of the funnier things to look out for are
Poems speaking of blood, murder, Satan, evil, dying or mocking God
Books speaking of blood, murder, Satan, evil, dying or mocking God are most likely to be bibles. These should not be taken as evidence of demonic possession.
Obsession with fantasy role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons, Tunnels and Trolls, etc.
Trapdoors and Treasures, Monsters and Mayhem, Castles and Centaurs, Wizards and Warlocks, basically anything alliterating.
He/she is called by a different name by friends
Since these people have never heard of nicknames, I wonder what they’re looking for.
Talking in rhyme
Previously unnoticed cuts, marks, tattoos, or brands on the body (These are often in obscure places like the buttocks, genitals, breasts etc. and often on the left side of the body)
I don’t know how these fundies plan to examine their children’s bodies for such marks, and I don’t think I want to know.
Eating raw meat
This isn’t so much a sign of Satanism as it is a sign of incipient diarrhea.
Unusually violent rebellion
As opposed to what, usually violent rebellion? I wonder how violent the rebellion has to be to qualify. Do you have to sharpen a stick at both ends, like in Lord of the Flies or something?
Occult paraphernalia like bones, animal skulls, knives, candle (particularly black, red, white).
But also blue, yellow and pink, not to mention twisted into arcane shapes such as numbers or the letters H, A, P, Y, B, I, R, T and D.
While the pastor encourages parents to keep loving their children even after encountering this compendium of hellish ritual, he also adds that
It may be wise to contact your pastor, a Christian organization that specializes in working with youth dabbling in occult activities or your local police department.
So does walking in the shadow of Satan count as a misdemeanor or a felony? And do please send your errant offspring to a television-free jail, because you wouldn’t want him or her being exposed to the dangers of the screen, one of the crowning evils thereof being
The pastor’s major beef with Pocahontas, perhaps aside from the fact that it sounds a lot like Pokemon, is that
The villains in Disney's new fantasy are the greedy white males who have come to exploit the land and steal its gold.
Because good Christian men never actually did that. They came to bring medicine and technology to the poor suffering natives.
In line with today's quest for gender "equity", the deep spiritual insights come from women.
Only christian babies should come from women!
Of course, if Disney is swimming in a pool of its own filth, you know that the music industry has to be corrupted beyond redemption. Even Christian Rock has slid into the abyss of Satanic forces, according to the good pastor, but I’ll bet you didn’t know about
The Beatles are sorcerers in the truest sense of the word.
They cast level 10 polymorph, did they?
The word sorcerers is a translation of the Greek word pharmakeus, (far-mak-yoos'; 5332) and refers to anyone who uses and or deals in illicit drugs. The Beatles definitely fit that mold.
I had no idea the Greeks made such a fine distinction between licit and illicit drugs. Go figure.
Since pretty much everything except Christianity is pagan/satanic/just plain stinky in origin, I wasn’t surprised to see martial arts thrown into the pot of Logos Resources as well.
The very terms "martial arts" and "self-defense" should tip off the Christian that something is wrong. Nowhere in the Bible are Christians told to resort to violence in defense of themselves.
Litigation is preferable. See the ICR for more details.
When Christians take up the martial arts for self-defense, they are saying to God, "I don't trust You to protect me." Christians are to depend on God for protection. Even death itself should not scare the Christian.
Considering that yelling “God will protect me” at a mugger or rapist hasn’t generally been shown to be effective, I should think that Christians who cultivate this method had better get used to the idea of dying.
But even the Christian who never uses martial arts to purposely injure another and trusts the Lord to protect him is getting involved in a religion that contradicts the teaching of the Bible.
This would be the Secret Order of Shotokan or the Temple of Tae Kwon Do.
It is not surprising that people in this mental state open themselves up to possible demonic influence… Even Christians, who have protection from outright Satanic possession, are wise not to court the spiritual oppression this kind of mental state can invite. Yoga is not for Christians.
Satanic, it is. Burn in hell, you shall.
Oh wait, that’s Yoda.
The pastor’s real affection, however, is reserved for Wiccans, and he rhapsodizes about the weaknesses of witchcraft at length, blithely oblivious to his own hypocrisy.
After all the talk about the "power" that people can get from magic, I have never known a more powerless group of people.
I could say the same for Christians.
Many of those who use magic are sick all the time. They go through multiple marriages. They have money problems. Their cars get flat tires. They get their share of flus and colds.
And then this pastor comes along.
Renounce your witchcraft and the works of the devil. Burn your magic books and mash your altars. Turn or burn. Repent or perish! Jesus is the answer.
If you’re mashing your altars, don’t forget to add a little milk to make them smoother.
The litany against the occult continues with the detailed rendering of
Here, we read the shocking history of a man called Straudenmeier, who, probably as a result of his formal education in science, was bad to the bone.
At the suggestion of a friend, Staudenmaier began experimenting with the psychic technique known as "automatic writing, " a phenomenon in which the subject learns how to place himself into a trance, permitting unseen forces to write messages through his hand.
I wonder what those messages were like, and why they’re not preserved. Maybe they were something like “Pint of milk, 6 eggs, toilet paper; pick up laundry”?
One night as he lay in his bed, he had the distinct feeling of a chain being fastened around his neck and tightened. Then came the strong odor of sulfur
Staudenmaier had a beany diet.
and a sinister voice saying, "You are now my captive. I will never free you. I am the devil."
We never find out how this nocturnal encounter concluded, but the pastor reports that Staudenmaier died a miserable and tragic death. Perhaps he took up Dungeons and Dragons as well.
Possibly the most striking satanic figures ever created are the vicious leering "fire gods" crafted 1, 000 years before Columbus by post-Olmec Indians.
Ah, this would explain the evil, Satanic meaning of Pocahontas. Bad Indians, no wonder God keeps them all in reservations away from the rest of us.
As is so often the case with websites like these, Satan gets a great deal more attention than his heavenly counterpart, and he certainly comes off as much more powerful.
The devil's power over mankind, though limited by God's permissive and directive will, is fearful. He and his evil spirits can assume visible form; cause blindness, paralysis, and convulsions; induce self-destructive or bizarre behavior; compel animals to destroy themselves; create powerful illusions; and perform signs and wonders.
And these are God’s ideas of limits? I don’t know what kind of negotiation resulted in the above catalog, but Satan must be one hell of a lawyer.
Satan's kingdom works through sinister figures like the Nazi leaders (all of whom were deeply involved with occultism).
I had this vision of Hitler, Himmler, Goebbels and Goering all dancing skyclad in a pentagram. Perhaps the pastor also considers them to be some of the
though his definition of “hero” might vary significantly from mine.
Speaking of sexual perversion I also have in my files a copy of a witchcraft publication that states that a well known east coast witch "transitioned from male to female on Samhain, October 31." What that means is that the person was born a biological male but had his sex organs surgically removed and altered to appear to be female. That IS perversion!
You don’t SAY. I mean a MAN, the pinnacle of creation, descending to the LEVEL of a lowly female. HEAVENS to Betsy.
By the way, do you know that Trolls (remember the famous troll dolls that were popular a few years back?) are earth spirits?
Eternal’s an earth spirit? Say it ain’t so!
The pagan goddes of Rome Diana (the virgin goddess of the hunt, moon and goddess of fertility) was the queen of all nature spirits…Witches today worship the Mother Goddess and you will find that it is Diana/Artemis. I should note that nature spirits are what Christians know as demons!
Wait, I’m confused. Are nature spirits the same as earth spirits? Are there cloud spirits, water spirits and atom spirits as well?
Maybe they’re all demons. This would explain why fundies are so desparate to get away from this earthly life, what with the earth and their bodies being composed of demons and all.
Sorcery or magic is the act of attempting to contact, manipulate or control people, spirits, animals, plants, the elements (earth, air, fire, water) through occult rituals, ceremonies, objects (amulets, talismans, charms, etc.)
This is really funny, considering that most of the Old Testament is all about how to contact, manipulate or control a god through occult rituals, ceremonies and a great deal of begging (usually involving ashes and sackcloth but also including the sacrifice of one’s children). Oh, and speaking of children, the Logos Resource Pages also includes a treatise on the terrible sin of divorce. This, you might be interested to hear, is forbidden by the pastor under any circumstances.
Remarriage Contemplated : Sin of adultery is under consideration. Flee such immorality. Do not go through with the marriage.
Women may visit the pastor on a regular basis instead.
Husband threatens wife physically; her life is endangered : If separation is unavoidable, remain single and work toward reconciliation.
Maybe he could be persuaded to just beat her up a little, instead of actually killing her. Hey, it’s an improvement.
Divorce, new marriage, remarriage : To return to a former spouse after an intervening marriage is an abomination to the Lord.
Almost as bad as eating shellfish or wearing a cotton-polyester blend.
The Logos Resource Pages contain many more reams of material, but I’ll close with the last of a five-part series about fools (as you can imagine, not believing in God is the primary characteristic of such people). The pastor takes a great deal of pleasure in repeating the word “fool” over and over, since he’s presumably forbidden from doing so otherwise under threat of hellfire; as a result, he comes off like a three-year-old gleefully yelling “pee pee” or “doody”. But the last article in the series seems to hint at a faint understanding of how people see the rest of his life’s work, because it contains a warning against
There is a payday coming for the fool who scoffs at sin!
Social Security and Medicare will be deducted, however.
There is a dramatic contrast between how God deals with the fool and how He deals with the righteous.
If his way of dealing with the righteous is to inspire them to these levels of hypocrisy and paranoid ranting, I’ll take almost anything else. The author of the Logos Resource Pages must exist in a pitiful state, overwhelmed by terror and revulsion whenever he has to leave his cell - I mean house - and venture out into the world of RPGs, earth spirits, Disney, martial artists, rock music and women. Oh wait, add the Weekly Nutwatch to that already long list of Satanic forces.
Till next week, everyone!
QueenofSwords