Hi everyone, and welcome to an all-new Weekly Nutwatch! I’m your host, QueenofSwords, and sometimes, no amount of honey, sugar and high fructose corn syrup can disguise the fact that the dish du jour is still a Nut. Let me just mention before I start that I respect individual decisions regarding chastity : if any person wishes to wait until marriage, hey, it’s their choice. What sets off the Nutmeter, however, is the veneration of virginity, the demonization of sex, and the sheer terror of any sexual contact that doesn’t have God, Jesus, wedding, ring, true love, baby and forever stamped on it, rather like the FDA approval of a piece of meat. You’ve heard of the Bible Belt; well, this is the Chastity Belt, because today’s Nutwatch takes on
The two themes of this website (which seems to be aimed at impressionable and gullible teenagers) are :
1. Sex before marriage is terrible, since it will give you diseases, destroy your self-esteem and be a blight on the rest of your life. No positive effects of any sexual contact (including masturbation) before marriage.
2. Sex after marriage is just perfect, since it will give you babies and other nice stuff. No negative consequences of sex after marriage.
There is far more of 1 than 2, of course. Needless to say, Lovematters features “horror” stories about people who failed to take 1 into consideration and thereby did terrible, godless things like
My story is painful to share…
Losing my virginity was painful too. That’s why God wants all of us to hold on to our virginity until death or marriage, whichever comes first.
I dreamed of walking up the church aisle wearing a white wedding dress as a sign of my purity and the gift I would give to my husband.
My hymen, the bestest and most special part of myself. If only my husband could preserve it in formaldehyde and keep it in a little jar by his bedside table!
Almost everyone I know who’s had premarital sex has a tragic story. That’s because sex before marriage is full of ugly surprises, heavy price tags and life-long scars.
I’d ask them if sex before marriage ever results in an orgasm, but then I’d have to explain what an orgasm was.
…sex is about more than pleasure and physical desires. Sex is about totally committed love. It’s about bonding for life.
Ideally, you should look at your sexual partner (i.e. spouse) and imprint permanently on them. After that, you’ll be bonded for life, and you can spend that life following your spouse around and accepting predigested food from him or her.
It’s about babies and more.
Babies and more babies? That’s the best way to ensure that you have neither the time nor the energy for sex, thereby resulting in a marriage that’s completely pure and holy. God in His mercy made sex a self-limiting disease.
They’re saving sex as a wedding gift for that meaningful, emotionally fulfilling – in essence, the ultimate – lifetime sexual partner that they marry.
It’s a good thing the moratorium is only on physical intimacy, rather than on any other kind of closeness :
“But what if I don’t want to wait?” you might ask. Stop and think about the risks… Are you ready to be a single parent, to get married, to place your child for adoption or to live life knowing you aborted your tiny baby?
As opposed to what, your very large baby? Your blastocyst? Considering that you sent the child straight to heaven, you should be patting yourself on the back for your act of charity, but of course, any kind of self-touch could lead to that other great evil, masturbation. And that could ruin sex for ever, as described in the article
Sex is great! It’s more wonderful than words can describe. Sex can be one of the most beautiful things you’ll ever share with another person… Why not save sex for your honeymoon with the love of your life?
Better yet, why not save it for your retirement, when you no longer have to worry about work and other responsibilities? Or, if you want sex to be completely free of any worldly woes, why not save it for the afterlife? Don’t you and your spouse deserve to have a first time in heaven? Imagine all the angels clustered around your finally-joined bodies, singing in joyful chorus because your True Love Waited that long!
2 - INFECTED WITH VD (VENEREAL DISEASE) OR AIDS
Marriage : the ultimate vaccine. The wedding ring deters every known pathogen and can destroy HIV at a hundred yards!
3 - REGRETTING YOUR PAST
There is often the feeling of being used. A feeling that you’ve given up something precious, and all for nothing.
If you’d just waited for marriage, you could have given up something precious in exchange for a shiny ring, like in the Tolkien books.
Premarital sex often produces regret and remorse which lasts for years. Here’s the testimony of a psychiatrist, now in her 30s: “From 17 to 18, I was very promiscuous. That sick, used feeling of having given a precious part of myself – my soul – to so many and for nothing, still aches.”
I had no idea that the soul could be “given” to so many people. Perhaps the psychiatrist should have rented her soul out instead; that way, she’d have enough money to get some therapy.
And one young husband says, “I would do anything, ANYTHING, to forget the sexual experiences I had before I met my wife. . .”
“All those wet dreams! Dear GOD, make them go away!”
“…the pictures of the past and the other women go through my head, and it’s killing any intimacy. The truth is, I’ve been married to this wonderful woman for eight years and I have never been ‘alone’ in the bedroom with her.”
And you never will be, since an equally sex-obsessed God will always be watching you. Perhaps you could invite Him for a threesome?
4 - FEELING YOU’RE GUILTY
There’s also guilt… It’s not some unhealthy feeling your parents or your religion gave you. It’s a normal response
to an abnormal act like sex before marriage. I can only wonder why God didn’t design a sex drive that only started working after the reception and the cake-cutting. Imagine what a perfect world that would be.
a sign that your conscience is working.
Your conscience : at work to reduce your self-esteem, destroy any vestiges of rational thinking and leave you open to external control and manipulation. Are you ready to accept Christ now?
Jim says, “The thing I regret most of all about high school is the time I single-handedly destroyed a girl.”
“I had this sword of +3 to Girl Destruction and she failed her saving throw. What can I say, man, just like that, she was out! Pass the nachos.”
5 - LOSING YOUR SELF-RESPECT
Be honest! Don’t you believe in your heart that it’s best to wait for marriage?
I’ve seen some leading questions, but this one took the wedding cake. When it comes to manipulating people away from sex, anything goes at Lovematters, as long as it’s dressed up in hearts and syrupy sentiments.
People are not things. Uncommitted sex treats them as if they are.
People are statues, which should be placed on the Purity Pedestals. Committed sex pays for them with vows and rings until the correct price has been reached.
6 - CORRUPTING YOUR CHARACTER
Promiscuity, rape, incest, adultery, pornography use (magazines, videos, Internet), masturbation, molestation, sexual harassment and prostitution are rampant. Committing these acts poisons good character.
Good character is so frail and spineless that one self-induced climax sends it tottering into its coffin. If so-called good character is also incapable of discriminating between self-pleasure and rape, I can only suggest it stay in the coffin; the real world is not the place for it.
7 - LOSING TRUST AND FEARING COMMITMENT
When sexual relationships end, there’s often a broken heart.
When any other kinds of relationships end, the people involved are so happy that they dance singing around a maypole.
8 - DEPRESSED AND THINKING OF SUICIDE
Sex can make you feel like you’re experiencing true love.
Before or after marriage? Remember, that’s the turning point at which an action changes in a moment from lethal and dangerous to wonderful and life-affirming.
That makes a breakup very painful, which can lead to deep depression, hopelessness, and even suicide.
That would never occur within lawful matrimony, and if it did, it was probably due to one partner engaging in evil self-touch.
Waiting will help each of you develop discipline and great respect for each other. It also makes for an awesome honeymoon!
There’s nothing more exciting than uncertainty, hesitation, fumbling, pain and blood – sweet, Christlike blood. Since any and all antisexperts are welcome, we also hear from Doctor of Physiology (who better to advise people on emotional matters?) Laura Schlessinger, in the quiz
12_____ Do you both agree that marriage is forever?
Except Jesus said, “In the resurrection and the life they neither marry nor are given in marriage.” Perhaps He’s hinting at God’s opinion of the institution.
17_____ Do you limit your physical relationship to holding hands and simple kisses?
“I did until I realized that touching my betrothed’s hand was poisoning my good character. Must have been all that sweat and skin – nasty stuff. It made me think of AIDS.”
19_____ Do you both stay away from pornographic magazines, videos, Internet, etc.?
Is it OK if you confine your porn to Dr. Laura’s naked pictures?
24_____ Does your sweetheart already have the qualities needed to be a super spouse and a wonderful parent for your children?
Primary quality for the latter : fertility. Have your sweetheart undergo either a sperm count (semen should be extracted with a syringe so that he doesn’t need to touch himself) or a gynecological examination. In the latter case, the procedure should be performed by a female doctor so that your sweetheart isn’t despoiled by a male who hasn’t married her.
It's difficult to get an accurate reading from my "Is it Love?" test if you're sexually active. Sex is so powerful that it's often blinding before marriage.
But after marriage, it’s like drinking a cup of cold decaf – there is absolutely no effect on you. This is one of the great blessings of God. And if you just wait until you get married, you too can experience other wonderful aspects of sex such as the ability to make babies, as lovingly detailed in the article by a Mr. and Mrs Kiser :
Sex also brings forth babies as a sign of the love between a husband and wife. Isn’t it incredible that a spiritual and physical union of love can create new life?
It’s so incredible that this process also occurs without “spiritual union” and even when sperm and egg mix in a test tube. Even animals can achieve this miracle, and don’t get me started on bacteria!
Imagine that – two people so in love that their gift to each other creates a new child
As opposed to what, an old child?
– a new person – a son or daughter like you and me with a soul that will live forever. (Pretty cool! Co-creators with God!)
Watch the hubris, pal – all this misery and horror started when Adam and Eve thought they’d be equal with God. Have you even read your Bible?
We realize that you may already be having sex and you’re wondering why after giving so much of yourself, your relationship is still floundering.
We are Dr. Mindreader and we know exactly what’s happening to you.
Outside of marriage, sexual intimacy usually indicates that at least one party is acting without self-control in a selfish or dishonest manner… Premarital sex guarantees you that sooner or later, you’ll have a major communication breakdown.
Every time someone, anywhere in the world, has premarital sex, the Kisers carve a little voodoo doll and pronounce an ancient curse on that person. That must account for the list of
IF YOU WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE, YOU CAN:
Know that a person likes you because of who you are and not because you will “go all the way”
Well, I guess if you can’t take the person’s word for this, marriage to them is the only way to find out. Maybe you should withhold children from them to see if they like you because of who you are and not because you will “be a breeder”.
Share a bond with your spouse that no one else has shared
Unless, of course, your spouse is a widow or widower. But you shouldn’t marry these kind of people, because they’re used goods. Jesus might love them, but you’d better not.
IF YOU DON’T WAIT, ARE YOU READY FOR:
EMOTIONAL HEARTACHES
Guilt, regrets, loss of self-respect, depression, suicidal thoughts, ruined relationships, anger
Because none of these would occur in anyone’s life if it wasn’t for corrupting, damnable sex.
PREGNANCY
Immediate marriage, adoption (to give your baby to another family)
Just for those who had no idea what adoption was. The author must be used to preaching abstinence in the kindergarten.
Seeing that Lovematters.com has a special page titled "True Love is", I clicked on that. I could hardly believe that their definition of "True Love" is provided by someone who never married and who was responsible for promoting suffering : the infamous
“We have been created in order to love and to be loved.”
After we get married, though! Before, it's selfishness; after, it's True Love!
“To be true, love has to hurt . . ."
Theresa reveals her secret turn-on. Though maybe not so secret to the people who had the benefit of her ministry.
Jesus said, ‘Love one another as I have loved you.’ He loved until it hurt.”
And then he selfishly croaked, instead of staying around to love/hurt some more? Is he still hurting? Is he in absolute agony? If not, he isn't really loving us, is he?
Even when sites like this have a few good ideas, such as being careful about sex and not basing your self-esteem on it, the semi-hysterical insistence on virginity and marriage drowns out any sense. There are no shades of grey in this Ringworld; marriage is the universal panacea that automatically makes every baby wanted and every person free from cancer and STDs. This was the longest wish-fulfilment fantasy I've ever encountered, and probably the silliest one, considering that a pain-fixated nun had the last word on True Love. But perhaps she represents the authors' ideal world, one where no one at all has sex.
Till next week, everyone!
QueenofSwords