Hello everyone, and “welcome” to a NUT who (just) loves “punctuation” marks! I’m your host, QueenofSwords, and this week’s subject demonstrates why one should never shake a baby. No matter what brilliant analogies he might draw regarding the circumcision of believers, no matter what powerful attacks he might make against the evil of unbelief, Dennis Rideout’s unique style stands out as his greatest accomplishment. There is uncharted territory beyond raving dementia, and it can be reached by following
The usual sexual mis-behavior of a teen-ager with raging hormonal and explosive chemical changes,
A horny human bombardier beetle, in other words.
mixed with a disturbing contradiction of pseudo-moralistic "social-religion"... added a disruptive element to an already out-of-balanced sense of confusion.
But did the physical alteration of the precarious biochemical balance of the unfortunate teen-ager’s quasi-mental equilibrium precede the ethico-logical discrepancies generated by the demonstrably unverifiable claims of the purportedly beneficial creed? Inquiring minds want to know.
I was a mess! I was in trouble! I was out of control!
And guess what! You still are!
I became ill; spiritually sick unto death. I despaired of my life, and I knew that I was dying.
If I wasn’t an old hand at this game, I’d always have my spirits raised by statements like that.
…I resigned to die. I took no food for days.
In order to leave a slightly less obese corpse? No doubt the author lived in a world devoid of guns, poison, gas, rope, knives, high buildings, police officers and criminals, necessitating this method of suicide.
In describing her "vision" of Paul the Apostle, Mz Cauldwell "put her finger" on ME, time after time.
So she called it her finger, did she?
And, as I continued thru the tome of her "conjecture", I got strangely stronger and more alive on the inside.
And strangely withered and decrepit on the outside. Luckily, this dissuaded Mz Cauldwell and her finger.
[Unbeknownst to me, God's "Hound Of Heaven" was Stalking His prey…
What was the Hound’s name, Cujo?
I no sooner put the book down, having finished the final page, when the phone upstairs rang: it was Larry Pickard,
Jean-Luc’s cousin from Quebec.
the Quaker Preacher and Missionary to the Oklahoma Indians…
I’m not sure if this is a side-effect of German 101 or if Larry Pickard simply likes all of his Titles to be Capitalized. Perhaps he’s got that much in common with Marrissa of the same name.
Larry had heard I was "back", and would I consider being a last-minute "counselor" at the Summer Camp…? My mother made me get up & take the call, and I again found myself mysteriously acquiescing involuntarily. Strange!?
Strange indeed?! I distinctly recall that in the Bates Motel, Mother was decomposing quietly in a chair. And yet she made you take the call. What else does Mother make you do?
The kids we very young, very small… They had big trusting eyes,
Now just provide photographs, Mr. Rideout, and your webpage will get hundreds of hits from the Catholic clergy.
and laughter and tears both came gurgling out of them with routine gusto.
“I decided to laugh and cry as well, two things I could do as well as any of the kiddies, though perhaps not simultaneously. We all giggled and wept for no specific reason : such is the glory of Christianity!”
They thought I was something. They were my undoing. I had no idea I was falling in love with these little Ambassadors of Holy Unction; neither did they!
But did they had some idea of it when you asked them to stop being ambassadors and start playing doctors?
She said, "Okay now... I want all of you to put your little heads down on the desk and close your eyes for a closing..." They did… She prayed for their Salvation. She Asked the Lord for their little souls.
Had someone already laid claim to their little bodies? Well, teacher, I suppose you’ll just have to settle for the leftovers.
She spoke plainly, clearly, simply; so the children could understand exactly what she was Asking for.
“Just your immortal souls, leetle ones, to be mine for all eternity!”
But then she said, "Now, no one raise your head up... and everyone keep your eyes closed real tight!"… Not one little eye was opened! It was a dramatic moment. And you could feel something in the room, just then.
Something hulking and hungry, which moved down the rows of desks trying to decide which kid would be the tastiest.
And then she said, "Okay. All of you who would like to give your lives to Jesus, simply raise your little hands."
“And all of you who don’t, just present your little backsides.”
…And, one at a time, every single small arm raised
with its middle finger extended.
in child-like Obedience and humble Acceptance of what I KNEW they truly understood was a commitment to Jesus Christ…. I was so humiliated by their honesty and sincerity,.... I raised mine as well.
God took the word of this liar,
Is that any way to speak about your teacher, the dear woman who saved you from a life of raging hormonal and explosive chemical changes?
and has been making it "Good"… ever since! I had no real idea then just what I'd done... anymore, I am sure, than did any of those kids that day.
These would be the same kids whom you KNEW truly understood the commitment they were making?
But we took the Oath together!
What Oath would that be? “From this day forth, to love…”? “I swear by Apollo the physician…”? “Treue bis auf dem Tod”?
I was WITH them, then. And they are yet with me, today, in my heart, as is my Beloved Jesus.
If Jesus ever gets tired of sharing the limited space with a number of hysterical children, he could always move to the cranium and live in peaceful isolation. After all, no matter what his faults, not even God should have to read articles like
The unkindest cut of all.
What power on earth could make the Son of God, yea, the very Living Word-Incarnate Himself "MARVEL" at it?? It is this power of UNBELIEF! I have called it
“and I have sent it roses. Some day it will consent to make me the happiest man alive.”
“the most powerful thing on earth!"
Henry Kissinger once said that power was the greatest aphrodisiac. This explains why unbelievers have to beat people off with sticks.
Why?… because it is the only power capable of rendering Jesus Christ's Blood
in order to extract the unsaturated fats from it.
null & void (in-effectual) AFTER God's Sacrifice for man! "HOW CAN THIS BE??" Good question! It is because of a Covenant WITH evil; a devilish pact;
A deal with the devil, in other words : a settlement with Satan, a bargain with Beelzebub, an agreement with Apollyon, a meeting with Mephisto, and perhaps even a treaty with the taxman.
a mighty "high tower" of spiritual rebellion cloaked in such deceit as any magician, shaman or sorcerer would envy... "the synagogue of Satan."
This must be where all the un-holy-circumcised Jews go to prey, though I wonder how the author managed to discover their dark secret.
But Jesus is the HARDEST Man
I’ll take the author’s word for it, since this isn’t something I particularly want to find out for myself.
that ever Lived to LISTEN to! That is, He Said "hard things"!
When someone asked him, “Lord, what do You most hate walking on when You’re not wearing Your sandals?”
Because we are so very carnal, we not on crave the darkness (sin) we have become addicted to, but we are "vested" in it; that is,
we put on our vests in the dark, that none may see the third breast or “witches’ teat” that grows upon us for the suckling of our vile familiars.
we have something to LOSE!… We want to grasp-to-control what we think we can hang onto!
We might try speaking in the first person singular next year, but until then, the royal address suits our cryptic utterances just fine.
We see here the casual disregard for those things God TRIES to Tell us are the MOST important things He has given us;
A mongrammed bathrobe and a matching set of towels, His-n-His-n-His.
our souls, and our Calling to be WITH Him forever!… God Came to man to be KNOWN by all. So who WANTS to Know Him? Jesus Says, "Very FEW!"
But all that will change when God pops a Mentos into His mouth. Watch as the creator of the universe finally wins friends and influences people with the help of the Freshmaker!
Surprised? Don't be - you've heard it all before. That which is "only natural" for man (as I was reminded smartly one day), is what God has placed us all here to OVERCOME! How? Turn LOOSE! But that means TRUST, and that means... well, you see what I mean?
I do indeed; your supplier abandoned you shortly after you typed the second “means”, leaving you with no idea how to proceed. This would be like reading that part of Flowers for Algernon where Charlie first learns about punctuation, except for the fact that Charlie was a great deal more coherent, and never resorted to melodramatic ravings like the article
Beware bright lights as well, Mr. Rideout; they might cause a seizure that would destroy your brain cell.
I always heard it said that Satans "sin" was pride…. As there can be no "cause" without "effect", so "lifted up" (prideful) he became; even as that pride caused (produced) "corruption" (death!).
If pride caused death, why is Satan still playing Lex Luthor to God’s Superman? Perhaps Satan really did die, but
Imagine how disappointed the fundamentalists would be at the loss of their cherished enemy, the yin to God’s yang.
A prideful heart KILLS wisdom!
A prideful lung conducts the autopsy.
Mesmerized by the fantasy of "self determination" & "independence from God"! Thus "divided against himself", he now sought others to "divide". ...Why?
Why this obsession with binary fission? Why did he aspire to the reproductive capacity of a common bacterium?
A "king" is no "king" without "dom"!
This would be Dom Quixote, who fought evil with his trusty German tank, Sancho Panzer.
For "dominion" he hungered, and sought, and then fought!
You ought to cut down on the pought.
1/3 of all the angels in heaven were "taken in" by his "beauty"!
And the other 2/3 had to rely on their Seeing Eye dogs, which just weren’t that attracted to Satan.
And when man came along, its was curiosity of "strange 'fire', or "knowledge" which "promised" equality with God!
Why man was silly enough to want to descend so low, we are not told.
All the more curious, because "equality" was never what Lucifer wanted. He wanted God! But he wanted God his way!
What way would this be? Devil on top? 6669? No, knowing this Lucifer, it would more likely be the fissionary position.
He wanted to seize the Giver, and, by the taking, BE the "giver" of "self" - not LIFE!
If ever I have to star in a production of Hamlet, I’m going to ask for the part of Polonius. Now I know exactly how he felt when dealing with the prince.
Apart from the One who Loved us into existence; Who nurtures our way home to Him; and Who Promises our outcome is with Him, we too are nothing!
And this nothing was what God supposedly required his son to die for? Still on the Shakespeare track, we could call this Much Ado about Nothing.
So beware "brightness" and "wisdom" and "beauty" which are not "square" with God. God counts RELATIONSHIP above all! When in doubt, ASK GOD! BEWARE BRIGHT BEAUTY!
Beware Black Beauty, too; in fact, just run shrieking from anything that’s even remotely pleasing to the eye. Presumably the unaesthetic is safe; this might explain God’s or the author’s fascination with circumcision, as lovingly described in the article
-OR- "Blood-Oath Servant" Performs And Administers Inheritance!
According to this inspiring narrative, the genitalia aren’t the only things that should be foreshortened; God wants to take a scalpel to our hearts and ears as well. We’re now in The Merchant of Venice, and the Holy Shylock’s coming for his several pounds of flesh.
Christ applies the "makira" (circumcision knife)
When He wasn’t working as a carpenter, Jesus loved to help out the local rabbi. And much like his servant, the author, the Son of God enjoyed working on small children.
to my life and "separates" me unto the Lord! He Administers the Blood Oath
Jesus Christ, Klingon warrior.
between my 'Father' Abraham and my Heavenly Father-God to me as full heir of their Agreement of Love-Faith. Christ is my Portion. He is both my "cut" (Promise), and my "cut" as in "my Portion!
Prime cut of Christ, only $2.99/lb. Not guaranteed free of mad cow disease.
Simple! So simple even children can do it! In fact, so simple only children do it best!
How unusual, then, that Jesus did not select twelve children to be his apostles. And surely there must have been dozens of four- to six-year-old girls he could have befriended instead of Mary Magdalene. Perhaps Jesus simply wasn’t as enamored of kiddies as the author, one of His few failings.
The main thing is I'm not alone anymore! Never alone!
And that’s why you became a Christian? Wouldn’t it have been easier to simply enter a treatment facility, not to mention safer for society? I’m concerned about the mental stability of anyone who would title an article
There’s enough free association here to keep an entire psychiatry ward working overtime.
Does "Love Slave" Mean "Reluctantly Saved"?
No, “Love Slave” generally means that the aristocratic lady is kidnapped and taken to a harem where she is tutored in the sexual arts of the decadent East. Or at least that’s my understanding of romance novels. And even one of those purple-prose bodice-rippers would be preferable to articles like
Babies are helpless; so are sheep.
Especially the big male sheep with those funny pointy things on their heads. Those will run bleating if you even breathe in their direction; please try it some time and see.
It is the poverty of their nature which mandates (appropriates) Love.
So along with the author’s other, um, eccentricities, he loves sheep as well? Ewe, yuck.
Man was lost - utterly. NO HOPE! No Way! God had Shown & Proved man's choice was evil, and he was powerless to do ANY good!
Poor God. It must have been terrible for the supposedly omnipotent creator of the universe to realize that he was powerless to do ANY good, though this does explain the many instances of murder and genocide in the Old Testament.
"Spiritual poverty", therefore (whatever Jesus meant by it), is the very first golden "brick" (step) on the "yellow brick road".
If the Pilgrim’s Path detours to the Emerald City, a thousand munchkins will hopefully rush out to correct this problem.
Oh, how Blessed are those who are so... Lord, remind us we're DEAD in Christ; & need You so("w")!
And we close on that final inspiring, if incomprehensible, utterance, a reminder that no matter what else the Pilgrim’s Path teaches, the take-home message of salvation is “w”. Since you’re DEAD in Christ, perhaps you could be alive in “w”; v can only wait and c. In nearly a year of the best of the bizarre, this was the strangest Christian I’ve ever encountered and Social Services has ever missed. This path is on a hiding to nowhere, pilgrim, though I do have one final question : did you wait for God to circumcise you, or did you save him the trouble?
Till next week, everyone!
QueenofSwords