Hail Mary, everyone, and welcome to the first Catholic site ever featured on the Weekly Nutwatch! I’m your host, QueenofSwords, and this week’s subject is what happens when the venerators of the virgin decide to combat the Protestant monopoly on the Last Times and divine revelation. Fortunately there’s no Protestant monopoly on the vision of Jesus as a handsome eighteen-year-old with tumbling golden curls, for which I am grateful; there’s only so much surrealism I can take, even with this week’s Nutwatch applying herbicide to
Odd how it’s never Antibiotics from Heaven, or Educational Books from Heaven, or even Fluoridated Water from Heaven. The afterlife must consist of one huge field of flowers through which stupefied people drift, much like the lotus-eaters that Ulysses encountered.
Welcome to our Catholic site on Bayside, the Apparition of apparitions!
Not affiliated with the Catholic site on Baywatch, the Apparition of Anderson!
These Apparitions, visions, and prophecies to the seer Veronica Lueken recapitulate and update Jesus' and the Virgin Mary's messages
It’s a well-known fact that the Virgin Mary and the presumably virgin Jesus are extremely intimidated by heads of state, people of learning and anyone famous, resulting in their appearances to people with whom They feel more comfortable.
at past true apparition sites, such as the apparitions at LaSalette, the apparitions of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal
She took third place in the Special Olympics.
in Paris… These prophecies given to the visionary by Jesus and Mary concern revelations of the coming Apocalypse, the Great Tribulation, the Second Coming of Christ, and the Great Era of Peace to follow.
Not to mention the Attack on the Death Star, the Ride of the Rohirrim and the Game of Rassilon.
Miraculous photos, cures, conversions and other supernatural signs and wonders abound as proof of Heaven's presence.
Smile, you’re on Catholic Camera, where over-exposure is the key to producing the famous halo effect as seen in the stunning specimen below.
Miraculous photo taken of Frank Albas (on right) and André Telfer (on left)… The two persons are surrounded by white light patterns, and the inner circle area is bathed in
a solution of 2% carbolic acid as part of the pre-op sterilization process.
light, and both are miraculously wearing white hats,
The miracle is that :
but the one covering Mr. Albas appears to be in the form of a bishop's miter. Now the main function of a bishop is to teach the Faith.
Once the bishop becomes a cardinal, he progresses to defending the Faith from small children and their lawyers.
Heaven is once again confirming Their June 18, 1988 message that Frank indeed is truly the Teacher of souls at Bayside!
Heaven, hereinafter referred to in the third person plural for some obscure reason, now wishes that Frank be tied to the stake and allowed to ascend into Them, that he may be canonized many years later and given a day of the calender all for his little self.
It appears that the United States has already surrendered to the Luciferian Communist New World Order UN government
The LCNWOUN government, operating from a mighty fortress in distant Paranoia, plans to flood the United States with contraceptives, thereby killing millions of unconceived Catholics and bringing the world to the brink of destruction!
under Mikhail Gorbachev (Our Lady called him the Man of Sin),
Sounds like Our Lady has a thing for bad boys, for which one can hardly blame her. Say, if Gorbachev is the Man of Sin and Jesus is the Son of Man… is Gorbachev God?
who is already being called the President of the world. We now have a dictatorship in place, with a Gestapo secret police (homeland security) spying on us, and ready to imprison without trial any one who does not agree with the government...
Any resemblance this has to the Catholic Inquisition is purely coincidental, and anyone imagining such a likeness is encouraged to report to the nearest church, preferably alone and late at night.
Several witnesses have seen trucks carrying guillotines by the thousands, which will be used to execute all dissenters.
Guillotines being the quickest and cleanest way to get rid of people, it’s only surprising that Hitler didn’t think of them. And after the day’s executions are done, you could cut up vegetables or meat for your dinner as well.
Stop watching the controlled news on TV, or at least look at it with a very critical eye.
I’ve heard about planks in one’s eyes, but with this webpage, it’s more like an entire log cabin.
They are feeding you anything but the truth.
They are feeding you anything but the nutritional communion wafers you will get only in the Holy Roman Catholic Church (Bayside and abroad).
They are telling what they want you to hear. You are being brainwashed without even knowing it!
Yes, but enough about religion for the time being.
Our Lady said the TV will become an instrument of total mind control!
Our Lady also said that she had returned Jesus’s large-screen TV to the store, since his mind needs no further controlling.
Do you really read the messages? Don't you realize you are being duped? When are you going to wake up?
When the brave prince breaks through the thorny wall and places a gentle kiss on my lips. Sheesh, haven’t you read anything?
Read the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion and see what is planned for you in the near future unless you wake up NOW!!!
Perhaps we should add “Jewish” to that list of modifiers applied to the government. Goebbels would be so proud.
What can we do to save America? Our Lady has given us the answer in Her messages: Save America the Rosary way!
For some reason this makes me think of a long line of slipknot nooses made from rosaries. It could give a whole new meaning to the expression “draw a bead on someone”.
Unite in a Crusade for the Rosary! Let us promote a solid chain of prayer, link to link, right across America and the world!
Yes, let there be strong and heavy chains, for such iron bracelets suit dissenters best. This being a tenet of wisdom that the popes have steadfastedly refused to grasp, because, no doubt as a result of the LCNWOUN government, we are told that
Because Pope John and Pope Paul VI did not take the Fatima Message seriously
the Easter Bunny crossed them right off his egg list.
by not obeying Our Lady to consecrate Russia to Her Immaculate Heart, or even to release the Third Secret,
Remember, if you love a secret, set it free. If it comes back, you know that you’ve got a good gossip network going, and if it doesn’t, it wasn’t that interesting a secret in the first place.
they were punished by God through the hands of their enemies. Pope John appeared to Veronica and told her in one of the Bayside messages that he was laid low by them.
It was the first time the pope had been laid, so naturally he had to spread the news.
Now John Paul II follows the example of his two predecessors by not carrying out Our Lady's commands, and the Bayside message warns that he, too, will die by assassination if he does not change his policy of not obeying Our Lady of Fatima.
Considering the current pope’s state of health, he’ll probably be assassinated by old age and/or some form of gerontological disease, though Our Lady of Fatima could always hire la cosa nostra in order to facilitate the process.
Just how guilty the present Pope is, we have no way of knowing. Our Lord said in the Bayside Message of October 2, 1989, that the pope was controlled by the bishops around him.
Just like Weekend at Bernie’s; they pull a string and the pope waves his hand.
I remember that Our Lady at Bayside had warned him in the first days of his reign, that should “he proceed by following the ways of man, using humanism and modernism…” then She wouldn't be able to hold back the punishing Hand of God.
How did the Hand of God prevent itself from punishing everyone before Mary ascended into heaven to grab it and keep a tight grip on it? Dig your heels in, woman! Bite it if necessary!
Instead of preaching the Social Kingship of Christ, Pope John Paul calls for building “a new civilization of love,” getting together wiith the other religions to promote democracy and defend human rights and dignity.
Perish the thought that anyone should uphold democracy, much less human rights and dignity. Only when humans recognize their nature as worthless trash will Christ feel capable of reigning over them; he, of course, has more than enough dignity, glory and stunning looks to go around, judging from the article
ENRAPTURED with Jesus' appearance, Luisa sings the praises of His Divine Beauty as she gazes upon Him.
Lingering to listen to her flattery, Jesus is unaware of the time slowly growing later and later. Startled at the sudden toll of midnight, Jesus runs to His carriage. Prophesied by his fairy godmother, the spell’s demise leaves him staring at a pumpkin. Regarding the orange vegetable, nearly as yummy as Jesus, Luisa asks, “Is it Thanksgiving already?”
His Beauty communicated to her soul peace, trust and the courage to suffer.
He’s into BDSM? Luckily for him he found the perfect partner.
One morning Jesus came to me as a most handsome and desirable young man, about age eighteen.
Jesus must come to lonely housewives as telephone repairmen, too.
How handsome He was with His curled, golden hair, descending from the side of His forehead.
From the side of his forehead? Damn, there goes a perfectly good double entendre.
The curls seemed to weave the thoughts of His mind with the affections of His heart.
They also wove the base desires of his masculinity with the fantasies of his lonely psyche, and the results of all this weaving were called Fredericks of Hollywood, and yea verily, it was good.
He had a serene and wide forehead at which one could gaze for a clear view of His mind.
His forehead was made of glass?
Therein His infinite Wisdom reigned and wandered in the undisturbed order of celestial peace.
I’m not sure if Luisa was told to use a few polysyllabic words in the same sentence or if she’s just been at the communion wine, but what in the world is this supposed to mean?
When I saw Him, my mind became tranquil and my heart so peaceful. At the sight of this most beautiful Jesus, my passions became so repressed that I didn't feel the slightest pain.
Yes, if just at seeing Him so handsome I experienced such a feeling of peace in my soul, what would I experience if I could possess His divinity?
I’d tell you, but it would result in your having to wash your ears out with holy water, albeit not a difficult process since there’s so little between them.
I believe that Jesus could not appear so beautiful if the soul did not enjoy perfect calm and deep humility, for at the slightest breath of disturbance, Jesus would withdraw from the soul.
Knowing the taint of illegitimacy, Jesus is determined to practise the only form of birth control available to him.
That light of my Jesus does not even dazzle, though it is brighter than the light of the sun. One can fix his gaze on it comfortably, without weakening the pupils of her eyes.
Although rapid gender changes may result.
Instead, on beholding that splendor, her eyes feel stronger. When your gaze is set on the pupils of the dark blue eyes of Jesus, you do not want to leave that mysterious miracle of beauty.
You may want to inquire as to why Jesus has slitted pupils and no eyelids, but when he hisses your name and coils himself tightly around you, you will most assuredly have better things to do.
One single look from Jesus is enough for me to emerge from myself
like a worm from an apple.
and run after Him,
carrying a gourd and a sandal that he had dropped.
beating every path through valleys, plains and mountains, going up to the heavens or into the deepest abysses of the earth.
And if only you would stay there. Could you do us all that favor?
One look from Jesus is enough to transform me into Him, making me feel—I do not know what—of the Divine.
If you’re a Catholic, I imagine that you would have been transformed into Jesus a lot longer ago. Remember, you are what you eat.
Many times it has made me exclaim: “Oh, my most beautiful Jesus. Oh, my All!”
“My All McBeal!”
For You one can suffer torrents and rivers of pain, sorrows and martyrdom—the most humiliating ordeals. For You are a mixture of pain and pleasure…
Hey, if it wasn’t for the pain, there might not be any pleasure. If the Marquis de Sade had ever got religion, this is the kind of literary outpouring he might have produced.
Who can say what and how much beauty there is in His adorable visage? His complexion is like snow,
And his eyes are pink, much like an adorable rabbit I saw once.
lightly tinted by the most beautiful color of roses. In His purple cheeks,
His cheeks are purple? Either His Heavenly Father administered a Heavenly Whupping, or He took the form of an ovulating baboon.
one observes the greatness of His person in a most majestic appearance, completely Divine… Oh yes, the trust of Jesus toward souls is obvious on His holy visage. While very majestic, it is also very amiable.
It might be the master of the universe, but it doesn’t mind slumming with the scum? How adorable; I’m feeling overwhelmed by this Ken-doll Jesus already.
Now what can I say about the lines of the Jesus' nose, or His mouth and lips?
Nothing. From your rapturous essay, I assume you mostly saw the top of His head.
His nose is most beautiful,
Eat your heart out, Michael Jackson.
descending from His blond eyebrows, gradually increasing in size,
until it takes the form of a trunk, which He uses to pick up small objects and even squirt water into His mouth.
proportionate to His most holy features… His lips, very fine, are of a scarlet color, noble and very beautiful. When they open to speak, it seems that something precious emerges from them
A long glistening tongue, bifurcated at the end.
which the human mind cannot put into words—understanding that it is above any imaginable earthly thing. One can guess that His voice is of the sweetness and gentleness of Paradise.
I think she’s trying to tell us that poor Jesus was singing soprano, perhaps the result of a accident during his circumcision.
His voice is still most powerful in producing great marvels.
When he hit a high note, every window in the house shattered.
Oh yes, the mouth of Jesus is beautiful, majestically so. On speaking, one can see those teeth, so clean and well set, that they elicit the greatest admiration.
Lucky Luisa. If she ever fell into deep water, her head would make an excellent flotation device.
He sends out a breath of love so palpitating that it inflames, targets and consumes the heart that listens to it with every affection from Heaven that it does not yet know.
Who in the world read this crap and decided that it was good enough to be featured on a website? I’ve read Harlequin Romances that were more realistic, and far better written.
More beautiful are His soft hands—white and delicate.
Is Jesus supposed to be a man or a geisha?
His fingers so sharply defined and transparent that
it appears all the saving blood drained out of him, leaving him badly in need of a transplant.
when touching anything, He moves them with a dexterity that enchants. Oh how handsome! You are totally beautiful, my gracious and sweet Jesus.
You are totally rad and most awesomely cool, dude. Cowabunga.
Forgive me if I have dared to speak of Your beauty so poorly.
No, ‘poorly’ isn’t quite the word you’re searching for.
Compared to Your real beauty, what I have said is nothing.
Great Scott, you mean there’s more to the palette of Jesus than golden curls, red lips, blue eyes and purple cheeks? Be still, my heart, and also my stomach.
Actually, in my blundering way I have depicted that beauty which all are unworthy and incapable of describing adequately—including Your angels. But what can you expect?
I’d suggest a course in creative writing, but this writing is about as creative as it can get.
While I prayed, merging myself completely in the Divine Will, my sweet Jesus came out of my interior;
I can’t improve on this one. Seriously.
and putting His arm around my neck, He said to me:
“This is called the sleeper hold, and if I can just keep it up for long enough, you’ll never embarrass me again.”
“My daughter, my Mother with Her love, with Her prayers, and with Her annihilation,
Mary annihilates people? Perhaps someone should volunteer for the heroic task of restraining the punishing Hand of Mary, lest she novena her enemies into a coma, or perhaps pelt them with communion wafers until they pass out.
called Me from Heaven to Earth to incarnate Myself in Her womb. You, with your love, and by always losing yourself
You know, there is such a thing as a map, and there are even such things as Guide Dogs.
in My Volition, will call My Will to have life in you on Earth; and then you will give Me life in the other creatures.
What other creatures would those be? Is this a way of referring to people, or is Jesus extending His love to animals as well, a step up from his callous treatment of the Gadarene swine?
“Now know, however, that by My Mother calling Me from Heaven to Earth into Her womb—this being a unique act that will not be repeated—
The morning sickness, weight gain and swollen ankles were bad enough the first time. Much as Jesus might want a baby brother, he isn’t getting one.
I enriched Her with all graces and endowed Her with so much love as to make Her surpass in love that of all creatures united together. I made Her excel in privileges, in glory, and in everything.
Is there any room for God the Father in this Oedipal litany, or has he shrunk to the dimensions of a punishing hand that Mary sits on firmly?
Moreover, I could say that all that is eternal, as well as Eternity, reduced themselves to a single point
A pinhead, much like anyone who spouts this vapid nonsense.
and poured themselves over Her in torrents and in immense seas so much so that
Noah had to build another ark to rescue her before she drowned.
all remain beneath Her.”
Well, if the woman-on-top position is how you like it. A pity that Luisa didn’t drool over Mary’s description as well; I would have liked to see from which side of the family Jesus inherited his purple cheeks. With its conspiracy theories and Jesus-swooning fangirl, this website could supply enough material for the next dozen comic books from Chick Publications, as if the Roman Catholic Church didn’t have enough embarassment already. If this is what they have to contend with from their fringe groups, the end times couldn’t come fast enough for them.
Till next week, everyone!
QueenofSwords