Another year, another nut. Hello again, everyone, and a happy new year to you all! I’m your host, Queen of Swords, and this Nutwatch is dedicated to all the people who have asked me for one; naturally, there were more than enough sites to choose from, and I picked one of the worst. What I find most intriguing about female – excuse me, ladies’ – fundamentalist websites is the sheer contrast between first impressions – usually of pretty backgrounds and flowery images and sweet MIDIs – and the actual reality of what the sites preach. Welcome to the twisted mindset of the Christian Taliban, because this special edition of the Nutwatch sweeps the cobwebs out of
I fear that the title of this site is overly optimistic. The home-makers in question would be terrified of an entire corner; even with their backs to two walls, they could still be under assault from the wide world out there. Luckily there’s a man to protect them until they get to heaven, when god will presumably take over the task of guarding these fragile flower petals.
My wife, Elizabeth, and Mary, my daughter, are in full submission to Christ, our Editor in Chief and to me, their pastor... Mail sent by Christian ladies will be answered by the ladies here unless I, Steve, believe the mail is meant only to make trouble. Such mail is deleted, and the ladies never see it.
Let me get this straight – as well as being a pastor, husband and father, Steve also acts as a Net Nanny? It’s too bad that he’s less adept at being a spell-checker, resulting in the occasional delightful typo.
(I say childless rather than barren because there are some who, though they technically may be able to bare children, may not do so for medical reasons.)
Medical reasons on the children’s part, I should think, though for that matter, even adults might not want to be bared by these fundamentalists.
A few of you are familiar with the terrible valley the Lord brought me through in 2000. He took from me my physical strength and my emotional strength,
Now, now, Lord, there’s no reason to be jealous. Once you develop a little emotional strength of your own, you won’t want to deprive others of theirs.
forcing me to cast myself upon Him in a way I had never done before.
Knocking Him to the ground, smothering Him under my weight and watching in ecstasy as His face turned blue and He gasped for breath.
There were hours when I had to entreat Him often or constantly to carry me, for I had no strength to go on.
Question : if he was as super a god as they would like us to believe, why would one have to “entreat him… constantly”? He sounds forgetful, as though he had some memory loss.
It was a valley of the shadow of death, for though death itself was not near, the shadows of it were deep around my soul.
Maybe that was why god kept wandering away; he knew that his newest plaything wasn’t going to croak anytime soon.
During that time the Lord completely removed from me my desire to ever marry.
Let us all raise our voices in thanks to the Lord, on behalf of men everywhere.
Ah, but ...he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
I get the impression that if the Lord was a sumo wrestler, he would insist on only fighting children with rickets, so that his strength would look all the more impressive compared to their weakness.
Over the last number of months, as the Lord has increased my strength, I have found that the old desire to marry returning. It has sprung up again, sometimes with a frightening intensity. Yet at times it is still the struggle of refusing to marry that will overtake me. Surely this flesh is weak!
I’m confused (though not as much as the author is). What precisely is she afraid of – her desire to marry or her refusal to marry? Or both? The latter actually makes sense, considering how many things terrify the authors of these articles – from men to education to kissing to cross-cultural relationships, all spelled out in their
Many people think kissing goes with dating and flirting, no questions asked... We hold that it should be saved exclusively for the wedding and after. Until then, if folks would strictly adhere to this principle, a lot of people would stay out of trouble!
Anyone who doubts the wisdom of this principle can ask themselves how Judas betrayed Jesus. That’s right, with a (possibly homosexual) kiss! If only he had saved his kisses exclusively for the wedding and after, poor Jesus might never have been crucified, though somehow I’m not sure that would make the fundamentalists any happier.
Enjoy.
Enjoy what? A few furtive sideways looks at the person you’re going to marry, because that’s the most you’ll ever be able to do with them prior to the wedding? And maybe even after it, considering how confident you’re going to be with your body, their body and sex in general. But this will serve as a holy and chaste form of birth control, so it’s win-win, really.
Having a friend help you find a spouse for your child may be a good thing, but they better be someone that has one mind with you as much as possible.
Yes, I can see these people sharing a single hive mind. If that much.
It is especially good to get help from a Bible believing, godly man if you are a widowed or single mother with marriageable kids.
Question : shouldn’t the widowed or single mother be courting the Bible believing, godly man herself? I mean, who’s protecting such a bereft creature? A rapist could smell the lack of a wedding ring from a mile away!
Then too there is the cultural problem. We heard of a missionary family that actually came home from Africa because the African fellows where they were working were showing too much interest in their daughters who had arrived at womanhood.
Well, god forbid them uppity blacks should be attracted to the white wimmens. But it’s good to know, though, that the innocence of the dear girls came before spreading the Good News; how things have changed since the days of Lot.
This was a matter of not marrying across national boundaries. Some of the African fellows may have been good men,
And most deserving of an extra slice of watermelon once the cotton was harvested.
but they were not suitable in these folks' opinion because of the cultural bounds that God has established.
That’s the Eleventh Commandment : Thou shalt not marry anyone of a different culture, lest thy half-breed children end up celebrating Christmas and Kwanzaa, thereby warping their minds forever. Othello must be anathema to these people, but then again, so is pretty much everything else in the field of literature (they rant about C. S. Lewis and Louisa May Alcott as well). But then again, why would anyone need to read any book except the Bible? And education isn’t required either when it comes to
Sending a child off to college to "get an education" and find a spouse does not make sense really.
Thanks for pointing out your own non sequitur.
A classic example of what can happen when a young person goes out from home to visit the world is found in Genesis 34…
A classic example of what can happen when a young person goes out from home on a ship is found in Jonah 1.
If Dinah had stayed home a whole chain of sorry events would not have followed.
She wouldn’t have taken that short cut through the woods, she wouldn’t have met that big bad wolf, her Granny might still be alive, etc.
Shechem would not have seen her in a situation that lent itself to acting upon his lust and raping her.
Poor Shechem, forced by a female and conspiring circumstances into committing rape. I’ll bet he was crying out for mercy all the while, but what could the helpless man have done after he saw a woman outside her home? Rape was the inevitable consequence.
Just curious, though : does this stay-at-home-or-thou-shalt-be-raped rule apply to young men as well? Because if it did (not that I expect it to, the double standard being the norm for fundies), I think such families would all starve to death in their houses before they dared to venture out to a grocery store. Then again, they would probably see this as a great privilege, since they place such emphasis on escaping the workplace and
The Lord has supplied all of our needs. But the devil sure has been doing his best to get me back into the workforce.
That’s because the devil gets a cut of your salary, cleverly disguised as “Social Security” or “Medicare”.
Especially after this past disastrous crop year. I had considered going back to work to help out until we make a crop this year. But I realize this is just a ploy of the devil.
So I guess god’s will is that you eat earth if your crops fail. If this was a book, it would be called Little Madhouse on the Prairie.
Finally notice, that wives are to be "obedient to their own husbands", not somebody else's husband or anyone else, not even the pastor of their church or principal of the Christian school.
The wives sound like those attack dogs which are accustomed to only one trainer and refuse to obey commands from anyone else (meaning that they have to be put down when the trainer eventually retires).
When a woman goes out to work, she has to do what the boss says. She ends up submitting to either another woman, or to another man.
But if she’s submitting to another woman, she might want to consider filming the result. Submitting enthusiastically enough might bring in enough money that she wouldn’t need to work for a while.
She is giving a part of her life that is rightfully her husband's, to someone else. Someone else other than her husband is putting requirements on her life, thus meddling with her husband's control over her
Yes, the puppet may become confused if it’s manipulated by different puppetmasters. Though the reference to control makes me think of the Star Trek episode “Spock’s Brain”, where the crew needed a remote controller to order Spock around. Except his brainless condition was temporary; the fundamentalists’ women may not be so lucky.
and responsibility toward God for her.
So you mean that if the wife steals a candy bar from the store, the husband could conceivably go to hell for that?
He cannot have her time whenever he requires it. He cannot be her protector properly...
He cannot have the satisfaction of giving her her allowance each Saturday. He cannot have the joy of coming home each evening and letting her out of the basement to go walkies with him. I weep big tears for this poor emasculated man.
This is wicked! (For the unmarried young woman, it is the same, in that it is usurping her father's authority over her.)
Apparently fathers have no authority over unmarried young men. Perhaps the fort-like strongholds in which True Christians guard their daughters have only room for one post-pubescent male, much like a pride of lions, and the unmarried young men have to flee lest their fathers imagine they will be competition for the females’ attention.
It is very difficult going from an "important position" in a major computer company where I had to be outspoken all day, to being a submissive, nonassertive wife in the evening.
Note that the woman’s job, no matter how much she accomplished or earned, was not actually an important position at all. Hence the ironical quotation marks. Get used to this clever stylistic device – you’ll be seeing a lot of it in the next few pages as the fundamentalists rhapsodize on the numerous joys of
What a disaster life can be when you will not obey the word of God, and I can't plead ignorance - my sin was in being so independent and defiant (having your own money will allow that)…
Man, there must be a lot of independent and defiant christian men out there. I assume that in order to keep children passively obedient, piggy banks go the same way as the Gadarene swine?
Please send your testimony of how God delivered you from the work place.
He sent a plane crashing into it. And there was much rejoicing. As well as liberating ladies from the hideous, slave-like horror of having to earn money, The Home-Maker’s Corner also warns women from the perils (i.e. rape) that accompany a college education in their
In fact, you won't find a verse in the Bible that proves anyone has to have a college education to do the Lord's work. There is actually more to prove that the knowledge and wisdom of man will get in the way of serving the Lord!
Shouldn’t these cringing Luddites be disseminating their propaganda via stone tablets, as opposed to using computers and the Internet? After all, much more knowledge and wisdom went into the latter forms of communication. Anyway, much sympathy goes out to the poor Lord, who is no longer being served, not even at McDonalds.
So, the "well-rounded" young ladies "have to" go to college to be really worth anything according to this myth..." Don't ask for a chapter and verse from the Bible to support going out of the home to do this. There isn't one!
I think these people have to look for a supporting chapter and verse in the bible before they can even go to the bathroom. Luckily for them, there is one (Deuteronomy 23:12-13). Unluckily for them, it does not mention indoor plumbing, which is clearly a tool of the devil! You even hear people speak about the porcelain god!
You mothers will run your daughters out the door into the world to work or to go to college far from home; and then will be horrified, shocked and dismayed when she gets into fornication or is raped. WAKE UP! She belongs at home with you!
Yes, that way the rapist can get a two-for-one deal. Though encountering such women might well make him celibate for life.
Nobody loves that girl like you do!
Then maybe you’re the one who should be marrying her. That way, she would never have to leave the safety of whatever locked room you keep her in.
…when you trot her out where Shechem can see her and get close to her, you are inviting this trouble upon yourself, your daughter, your sons, and your husband!
Also your grandmother, your goldfish, your pot plants, your internal parasites and your political party of choice!
You young ladies and girls that think it is necessary for you to go away to college or out to work -- why do you think that God gave you a father? He is there to protect you and look out for your heart as well as your virginity and your physical needs.
Alas, I have obviously not reached the moral perfection of these people, since I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking my father to satisfy my physical needs.
Go read the whole story of Dinah in Genesis 34 and see what trouble she made for her Dad because she was not content with his protection.
Moral of the story : Do not leave your house, because you might get raped, and that might distract your Daddy from his favorite TV show.
The solution? It's simple. Stay home!
Home must be like Madame Tussaud’s Waxworks – everyone is in ancient clothing and frozen in place, unable to step off their pedestals, much less go outside. But of course, no rape of any kind ever occurs inside a fundamentalist’s home – unless you count the violation of logic, reason, science, etc.
(By the way, there is no reason for an aged woman to go to college either.)
Do they have a manual called “How To Turn Your Daughter Into Lizzie Borden”? I know I would have gone utterly postal from being cooped up in my parents’ house, unable to do anything but wait for a man to transfer me to a different prison. And the uniform of this particular asylum, of course, is designed for the maximum possible
Some of you may know or have guessed how women came to wear pants.
I know! One day a bunch of jumped-up women surrounded a poor hapless man and tore his masculine garments off despite his valiant struggles. They then committed further sacrilege by wearing the sacred clothing themselves. It was a modern-day version of Prometheus stealing fire from the gods.
That's right, it was the whorish women and decadents of the society that started it…
Get used to the word “whore” and derivatives thereof; the author really loves these. I guess all that repressed frustration has to emerge somehow.
Eventually the typical blue jeans with the man-style fly in the front became "the norm."... As my Grandpa has a habit of asking, "Why do woman need pants with a fly anyway?" Why indeed?
I could be wrong, but does Grandpa think women don’t need to visit the restroom? Maybe, being women, we should emanate all excretory products in the form of lemony-fresh scent? Though even perfume is evil, as we learn in the seminal article
Unmarried young ladies, if you think that the way to "catch" a husband is to always look your best everywhere you go and to smile at the guys, you have a whorish method for finding a husband.
A good christian woman would only smile at the man her family chose for her, and only after the wedding was completed, and only in the privacy of their bedroom! Or else she would be stalked by legions of leering Shechems, while her father watched in flaccid dismay at the consequences of her disobedience.
By the way, the higher class the whore is the more costly her array and the more trouble she will go to to be beautiful.
Sounds like an excuse for why the author’s husband bought her a new vacuum cleaner bag for her birthday, instead of jewelry or pretty clothes.
There are perfumes that do not have a sexual smell to them, but most do. My brother has long maintained that most perfumes belong in the bedroom of the husband and wife, and no where else.
I guess the frankincense that the wise men brought baby Jesus was promptly hustled out of the innocent child’s presence and into Mary and Joseph’s bedroom, or stable stall, or whatever they were using. Too bad the wise men weren’t as enlightened as the perfumophobic brother. In conclusion, to call this website misogynistic would be an understatement. It’s not just anti-women, it’s anti-men, anti-sex, anti-education, anti-work, anti-pants, anti-everything except the King James Bible. I’d say the authors are the best possible evidence for the lack of a benevolent deity, since if there was a god and it loved them, it would have taken them away from the world they fear a long time ago. Instead, they are forced to remain in reality, along with the Shechems, the perfumes and the pants – a hell that is truly one of their own making.
All the best for the New Year, everyone!
Queen of Swords