Hello everyone, and welcome to the Weekly Nutwatch! I’m your host, QueenofSwords, and even now, I’m sometimes taken aback at just how far from reality the nuts are. For today’s menu, we journey first to an alternate New York and then to a heaven that is straight out of a Harlequin Romance. All this is the gibbering fantasy of one very strange man, and this week’s Nutwatch is proud to present
The Pulpit Fiction is supplied by Pastor David Wilkerson, who apparently converted many gang members in New York to christianity, a story hilariously described in the movie The Cross and the Switchblade. He remains in New York, even though that’s a hotbed of disease, drugs and iniquity – and even though he has personally prophesied terrible things in store for the Big But Wormy Apple, telling us so in sermons of capital letters and exclamation marks.
The Towers Have Fallen - But We Missed The Message!
Yesterday, standing before the smoldering five-story-high pile of rubble, I cried inwardly, "Oh Lord, if every American could stand here and behold this awful destruction, they could come to the only possible conclusion: God is warning this nation to repent."
Why He has to send terrorists to knock down buildings instead of rearranging the stars to spell “I want this nation to repent”, we’ll never know.
Times Square Church was forewarned a calamity was coming weeks before it happened.
Times Square Church immediately sprang into inaction.
A month prior, our leadership was impressed by the Holy Spirit to cancel all special speakers and scheduled meetings. We shut things down and called the congregation to prayer.
Followed by cookies, coffee and a round of bingo.
The Holy Spirit suddenly moved in and a holy quiet fell on the house. On one occasion, we sat in total silence for over one hour.
This did immeasurable good to the people killed in the plane crashes and when the towers collapsed. Another hour or so of total silence, and world hunger might have ended.
There was soft weeping, with people coming forward and kneeling, reaching out to the Lord. These are the manifestations of a Holy Ghost visitation: a holy, awesome silence, and weeping and fervent prayer in every service. The Holy Spirit revealed to us that the divine silence in our meetings was a preparation for the trying times ahead.
Like so many of the fire-and-brimstone merchants, Wilkerson rails against the evils of America, and the cure he prescribes is a uniform boo-hooing and self-flagellation, as in the sermon A Cry Against Wicked Youth!. Everyone cries (or should cry) in Wilkieworld.
Why would God spare America from fiery judgment? Are all the sodomites, lesbians, sadomasochists and rapists going to repent and turn to God in humility?
When all the people obsessed with the consenting sexual practices of others come to terms with their secret frustrations and repressions.
Are our government leaders in Washington and in the state houses going to put on sack cloth and sit on ash heaps in godly sorrow for drunkenness, debauchery and corruption?
Why people don’t just sit crying on ash heaps when things go wrong is anyone’s guess.
Are the American people going to weep as a brokenhearted people confessing their hideous sins, covetousness and forgetfulness of God?
No, I think you’ve confused them with the Timid and Gullible people, whoever those are.
God is not angry just about sex, drugs, alcohol, and all those sinful deeds. The damning sin, the one sin that must be judged, is unbelief! That is corruption! That is wickedness! That will bring on the fire of God's wrath!
And in case you’re wondering what form the wrath will take, wonder no longer. Pastor Wilkerson, among his many glowing credentials, is also a prophet, and has consented to look into his crystal balls and show us
You may remember a message I prophesied five years before the Gulf War. I said bombs would drop on oil wells in the Middle East, causing 500 Kuwaiti fires. Later, Saddam Hussein's army set fire to 503 wells. I also have written of foreseeing 1,000 fires burning in New York City. I now believe those fires will come from an economic collapse.
I’m not sure how an economic collapse is going to cause “1,000 fires”, but that’s a little piddling detail, like bombs being equal to fires. Also, by these standards, the next prediction should involve 2,000 fires. I can’t wait to hear where those will be and what will cause them – but I’ll bet the solution to these fires will involve lots of boo-hooing and ash heaps. This website is one of the most maudlin I have ever encountered, except when the sermons are fixated on sex. The Truth About Corruption, for example, is that
There is so much nakedness now among Christian high school and college students!
Under their clothes, everyone’s naked! No wonder we’re in the end times.
Such spiritual nakedness - such rejection of old values, such yearning for fun and pleasure.
A liking for fun and pleasure should be alien to normal young people! But the reason that Pastor Wilkerson expects people to weep and bewail their unhappiness is because that’s exactly what his god does, every time people commit
If only we could understand the heartache we cause God when we question His love!
If only we could resort to something other than guilt trips to convert people.
Of course, there is always the godsex option, but I’m not convinced that’s any better.
That is God's heart toward you. A heart of mercy and forgiveness and love. If you cannot believe that and rest in it, you are even now sinning the sin that makes God cry.
Just in case you thought Baby Jesus was the only teary member of the trinity, now you know He takes after His dad. And since the sin of questioning had already been earmarked as the one that turned on the holy tear ducts, the sin of falling-away got its turn next, as
We’re dealing with a semi-hysterical, easily confused deity here, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
I can't understand how some of God's children can be so committed to Him one moment, and then turn around and become so cool the next. This sin actually baffles God! It both bewilders and frustrates Him!
It badgers and bebothers and beleaguers Him!
I once trembled in the Spirit as I brought a corrective message to a young man, but he didn't receive it.
Hmm… what would I do if I was approached by a middle-aged man who shuddered with ecstasy as he tried to “correct” me?
Then there’s The Sin of Mixing, although we’re not told what emotional impact this has on God. Perhaps He gains weight from this sin?
How many churches do you know that are flooded with the awesome presence of Jesus Christ? Where believers are so awed and reverent, they gather in holy silence…
I’d be happy if believers could keep that “holy silence” outside the churches as well.
Where the singing is so filled with Christ's presence, sinners weep.
<turns on R. E. M.’s Everybody Hurts>
Where the preacher is so anointed his face seems to shine with supernatural glory.
Or an excess of oil?
God warned Israel that any mixture with the world would cause Him to withdraw His presence, and He would reject them as the special channel of revelation. They were commanded to deal unmercifully with the ungodly, heathen spirit of their time.
This spirit being present in women, infants, children, the elderly, donkeys, sheep and oxen. Powerful and pervasive spirit, that – and one more sign of the wickedness of America is that no one “deals unmercifully” with heathens any more. Finally, in the catalog of Sins that Make God’s Emotional Equilibrium Fluctuate Wildly, we have
Of all the sins we can commit, doubt is the one most hated by God. According to both Old and New Testaments, our doubting grieves the Lord, provokes him, causes him much pain.
This is the most maudlin God I have ever encountered – a mass of weepy hysterics when he isn’t raging against his enemies, which is vividly described in the sermon
Japan, Korea and European nations are all devouring our landmarks, swallowing up our properties and businesses. The Japanese sit by and mock our workers and industries, knowing we are helpless to react.
Amelicans funny!
America once had all the blessings God promised -- because at one time God was truly honored here… As recently as thirty years ago, legislators prayed during their sessions, and their colleagues were seen weeping.
At the merging of church and state.
But no more! Now we have driven God out of our government and schools. Yet God is showing mercy to America; He isn't pouncing suddenly like a lion. Instead He is desolating us as a moth:
The moth being guaranteed to terrify any people who are, oh, less than half an inch in height.
"Because he willingly walked after [away from] the commandment... Therefore will I be unto Ephraim as a moth…" (Hosea 5:11-12). In other words, God has sent a slow rot!
Otherwise known as David Wilkerson.
The AIDS moth will still be devouring lives. The education moth will keep eating a destructive path through our schools. The homosexuality moth will grow in power, eating away our moral fabric. The financial moth will keep our banking system and manufacturing base crumbling. The moth of sin will cause evil men to wax worse and worse.
I’ll call these The Mothman Prophecies.
Just in case anyone is terrified at the idea of being beset by the fearsome “education moth”, don’t despair. David Wilkerson has a message of hope for us all.
There is no need to fear, no need to be distressed. Because when total desolation falls, your God will hide you in Himself! Hallelujah!
Where, precisely, “in Him” we’re going to be is anyone’s guess. Maybe He’ll swallow his worshippers, like the whale and Jonah; I’d hate to consider the alternative. However, since so many of us are evil sinners, I assume the True Christians won’t be too cramped. These people will never (of course) have committed crimes such as
It is wicked to do something very logical and reasonable when it is not God's clear word of direction.
It is good to wait to be told what to do, like a machine that can be switched on or off.
Pride is repelled by the idea of servanthood. Today everybody wants to be everything but a servant. The big children's game in America is called "Masters of the Universe!"
I’m surprised that the good pastor hasn’t designed a children’s game of his own, where moths attack New York City and the person who cries the most wins the game.
A servant has no will of his own; his master's word is his will.
“Igor fetch brain for master!”
The Cross represents the death of all my own plans, all my own ideas, my own desires, my own hopes and dreams. It is most of all the absolute death of my own will. This is true humility.
This is a budding psychosis, but don’t let me get in the way of the self-crucifixation. After all, something worse than the sin of pride exists, and it is
The Lord knows that our own understanding is corrupt - selfish, self-centered... Our reasoning remains untrustworthy!
Just in case you think there’s no justification for this, wait and see; Pastor Wilkerson has ample evidence that his own judgement is seriously flawed – which means that everyone else’s is, too.
A few years ago, a young lady came to our office for counseling. There was a darkness in her eyes. Her voice was low and unemotional. My first impression was, "She's a lesbian.”
“Hot damn, this is my lucky day!”
“Her eyes are evil, foreboding. I've seen this look before. She's had to be involved in deep sin to have this look!"
“So what’s one more little sin before she repents? Oh my, I’m trembling in the Spirit already!”
She was a godly prayer warrior who in fact had never been involved in sensuality. She was married to Christ! How ashamed I felt!
“Now I’ll never be able to get her and my girlfriend together for a threesome!”
If by some miracle you survive this catalog of crime and go to Wilkieworld Heaven, there’s a detailed fantasy of what you can experience there, because once you get to heaven, if you’ve been very very good, you get to be
At this very moment, you and I are seated in heavenly places with King Jesus. Yet, much greater than that, we are engaged to Him!
This from a man who’s been ranting against homosexuality in more sermons than I can count.
King Jesus is standing before His throne - His royal scepter in His hand,
He really can’t wait, can He?
As the Queen Stands Before Her Bridegroom, The Wedding About to Begin, the Voice of a Third Party Is Heard!
“Stop the Wedding! I’m Carrying the Groom’s Baby!”
Seriously though, I can’t figure out why all the words in the sentence were capitalized, but then again, Pastor Wilkerson is obviously writing for a select audience (small children with a severe case of deophilia).
This voice comes to the bride in the final moments just before the marriage is to be consummated.
Heightening the suspense, I take it. I also wonder just what the “consummation” is supposed to represent – if it’s a metaphor, we’re not told what the “consummation” actually is, and if it’s not a metaphor… well, I’m a romantic at heart, but a trip to the gynecologist would be more arousing.
Anyway, just in case you’re wondering what the mysterious voice says…
If you want to be in the bride of Christ, you must be concerned with more than simply escaping a godless hell. Rather, you must desire not to be absent on that great wedding day! You must shudder at the very thought of not being His bride - of not being in His embrace, not spending eternity with Him.
Thanks, but I think the good pastor is doing enough shuddering for all of us.
How jealous the Lord must be over all our other loves - all the things that eat up our time and attention. The old adage is true: It's not the "bad" that is the enemy of the Christian, but the "good": It's family, career, job, children.
A True Christian appears to be a purposeless zombie who does nothing but weep and pray. I can’t imagine how this is supposed to inspire or convert people, seriously.
As a faithful shepherd, I am called by the Spirit of God to warn you: When the day of judgment comes, you may not be in the bride of Christ!
I wasn’t aware there was so much room.
I want to be beautiful in Jesus' eyes. I want to worship Him in the beauty of holiness. He is not merely "first" in my life; He is everything. And the Bible says He is drawn to me because of that!
Two deeply dysfunctional people finally find each other – this Codependent's Copulation is literally a match made in heaven.
He knows beyond any shadow of a doubt, "She is all Mine - devoted only to Me! She worships Me and is submissive to Me. I am the only One in her life, the sole focus of her attention.”
“She makes time for Me, is overjoyed in My presence, and desires to be with Me continually!"
“She accompanies Me to the bathroom, then follows Me around like a bit of trailing paper. It’s so arousing that My scepter is ready again!”
In Closing, I Want to Ask You an Important Question:
We know it’s “Important” because all the Words are Capitalized.
If Jesus were to come tonight, would you be in the great marriage procession, approaching the throne? Or would you find yourself standing before a jealous, jilted Lover?
Who would that be – O. J. Simpson?
Beloved, when that day comes, will Jesus take your hand with delight and whisper, "At last - we're together! You have desired Me so. You have given Me the best of your life, your time, your attention. Come, now - let us be one!"
You’re already one. One plus zero equals one. Unfortunately, the good pastor is so busy looking down on pretty much everyone else that he seems blithely oblivious to the plank in his own eye, as seen in the sermon The Passionate Bride:
I freely admit - we Christians in New York City do not live in a quaint, quiet, religious, law-abiding environment such as Jerusalem or Bethany. No - we live among the most wicked, vile, corrupt, godless, mean, ugly, filthy generation of all time.
Say what you like, at least they’re getting on with their lives instead of crying, wailing, suspecting each other of lesbianism and dreaming of being married to the most anthropomorphic god I have ever encountered. It's only a pity that Prophet Wilkerson didn't predict the moth of the Weekly Nutwatch. He would have had yet another reason to cry.
Till next week, everyone!
QueenofSwords